Losing a loved one to dementia is a painful experience, but when it is a parent, it can upend your life in ways most people do not understand. Three individuals share the early signs they missed or dismissed, and what they wish they had known.
Robert's mother Joyce was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in her early seventies, ten years ago. One of the first warning signs was her falling victim to a door-to-door mattress scam, which surprised Robert as she had always been astute. She also began struggling to cook her speciality dishes, sometimes undercooking chicken or substituting ingredients like sultanas for grapes. She developed a fixation on a non-existent flea infestation and mistook fertiliser balls for beetle eggs. On a family holiday, she confused the fridge for the heater, prompting Robert to contact her GP. When the doctor asked basic questions, Joyce could not recall her date of birth or the current prime minister.
Robert became her carer, handling shopping, cooking, and appointments. He advises setting up lasting power of attorney early. The family avoided directly addressing the diagnosis, but Robert once blurted it out during a phone call, leading Joyce to threaten suicide. He regrets not explaining it properly from the start. The strain took a toll on his mental health, as Joyce would call daily asking where he was.
Rosie became a carer for her mother Dawnie, diagnosed with young-onset Alzheimer's at 58. Early subtle signs included increased anxiety at work and forgetfulness, which were dismissed as her being scatty or due to menopause. Dawnie had visited the doctor repeatedly, sensing something was wrong, but her history of depression and anxiety led to misattribution. When Rosie spent more time at home, she noticed Dawnie had let their horse's flu jabs lapse and used wrong tools for hoof care, despite being a trained professional.
