Londoners Aren't Unfriendly – But Don't Compare Us to New Yorkers
Returning home after years abroad can feel alien and apprehensive, as Bim Adewunmi discovered when she moved back to London following a decade in the United States. In her article, she expressed missing the friendly interactions with New Yorkers, highlighting a reverse culture shock where the city she once knew now appears through a different lens.
Many readers have shared their experiences in response, acknowledging the social ease of New York while defending London's unique character. One letter writer, Michelle Watts, noted that something always pulls you homeward eventually – whether it's the infrastructure, convenience, variety, or the people. She emphasised that Londoners, including shop staff and commuters, often prefer to leave others alone, avoiding eye contact and small talk, which can be misinterpreted as unfriendliness.
A Different Kind of Social Currency
Having lived in Brooklyn herself, Watts recognised the friendliness Adewunmi described, where New Yorkers are open and curious, smoothing social friction with ease. However, she gently pushed back against characterising Londoners as unfriendly. Watts was surprised that no one offered to help with a buggy on the Tube, recalling such acts as automatic in her experience, though she admitted Londoners might leave you to struggle with a suitcase.
London is not a city built for small talk or frivolity, Watts conceded, but she argued that the helpfulness of Londoners, who often pretend to mind their own business, is something to value. After experiencing real indifference in other cities, she came to appreciate the quiet connections in London – the knowing glance or audible sigh during a shared disruption. She wondered if she was romanticising her hometown but hoped that subtle social bonds still exist.
Varied Experiences of Neighbourliness
Another reader, Gwen Jones, shared her global perspective after living and working in widely differing countries for 38 years. Her experiences ranged from great friendliness and generosity in Siberia during the Soviet Union's last years to bleak times in Hungary and loneliness in Croatia. Since returning to the UK over five years ago and settling in north London, she has found the friendliest neighbours ever, often encountering smiles and conversations from strangers. Jones questioned whether her part of north London differs significantly from Adewunmi's south London, suggesting regional variations within the city.
Susan Tideswell from Newcastle upon Tyne offered a broader view, expressing sadness for Adewunmi and suggesting she travel farther north to places like Newcastle, where smiles and communication are plentiful. This highlights how social norms can vary across the UK, not just between countries.
The Quiet Connection of London Life
Overall, the letters underscore a defence of London's social culture, where friendliness manifests in reserved, understated ways rather than overt interactions. Readers argue that while New Yorkers may be more openly engaging, Londoners cultivate a different kind of social currency based on mutual respect and subtle cues. This debate reflects broader discussions on cultural differences and the challenges of reintegration after living abroad, reminding us that perceptions of friendliness are deeply personal and context-dependent.
