Chris Appleton's Harrowing Path to Self-Acceptance
British celebrity hairstylist Chris Appleton has opened up about the profound struggles he faced before embracing his sexuality, describing his feelings of being gay as akin to a "cancer" that he desperately wished to excise. The 42-year-old, renowned for working with stars like Ariana Grande, Jennifer Lopez, and Kim Kardashian, shared his deeply personal story on Olivia Attwood's podcast, Olivia's House, detailing a dark period marked by self-loathing and a near-fatal suicide attempt.
A Life Built on Denial
Appleton's journey began in Leicester, where he grew up facing relentless bullying for being gay and dyslexic. To cope, he pursued what he perceived as a "normal" life, entering a long-term relationship with his former partner, Katie Katon, whom he met at age 16 in a local hair salon. The couple welcomed their first child when Appleton was still a teenager, and they had two children together over a decade-long relationship.
"I thought I was living," Appleton reflected. "I had two kids, I had my girlfriend Kate. We'd been together for ten years. I wanted to do the things you did; get together, get married, it's kinda what people did." Despite this outward conformity, he privately grappled with his attraction to men, praying nightly to be straight so his children wouldn't have a gay father.
The Breaking Point
After his relationship with Kate ended when he was in his late twenties, Appleton began exploring his sexuality, but this led to intense internal conflict. "I got very scared and thought, 'Wait, what's happening? What am I doing?'" he recalled. The turning point came when he decided to come out to his children, son Billy (then 12) and daughter Kitty-blu (9).
"Telling the kids was awful, and that night I thought it was better to have a dad that was dead than was gay," Appleton explained. This despair culminated in a suicide attempt where he consumed a large quantity of painkillers and gin, only to be found by Kate. "I just brought as many painkillers as I could and drank this bottle of gin, and just closed my eyes," he said, describing the horrific experience.
Embracing Identity and Healing
Appleton credits this desperate act with forcing him to confront his true self. "It felt like I'd got this cancer and I couldn't rid of it, and if I could cut it out I would have," he admitted. "I don't know if I wanted to die, I just wanted to kill that, or it." Now openly gay and living happily in Los Angeles, he maintains a close friendship with Kate, describing their bond as "an unconditional love."
Reflecting on his past, Appleton acknowledged the trauma of his school years, which he believes drove him into hairstyling and heterosexual relationships as a means of fitting in. "That kid who got bullied at school, and that kid who felt different and not quite understood, I left him and really became something that I was told to be," he said. "I really ignored myself and my own living, trying to be a version of what seemed right."
Today, Appleton has found peace by accepting his identity, though he emphasizes that the journey was the "darkest years" of his life. His story serves as a poignant reminder of the mental health challenges faced by many in the LGBTQ+ community, highlighting the importance of self-acceptance and support.
