"I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do for your baby." Those were the devastating words a doctor delivered to Emma Kemsley following a 20-week scan. The scan revealed her baby had a rare condition preventing the development of the bladder, kidneys, and lungs, meaning survival was impossible. She was advised to undergo a termination for medical reasons (TFMR) at 21-and-a-half weeks.
A Dream Deferred by Infertility
For Emma, this situation was particularly harrowing. After three years of trying to conceive and six rounds of IVF, this pregnancy represented her final opportunity for motherhood. With severe stage 4 endometriosis diagnosed at age 27—after years of dismissed pain—her fertility was severely compromised. This condition involves endometrial tissue and large ovarian cysts binding organs together, affecting her colon, bowel, bladder, uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes.
The IVF Rollercoaster
Emma and her husband James embarked on an emotionally and financially draining IVF journey, spending approximately £54,000. The average IVF pregnancy rate is around 31 percent, according to the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority, but after five failed rounds—including a biochemical pregnancy—hope was dwindling. Their sixth, self-funded cycle finally resulted in a positive pregnancy test, but rather than joy, it brought anxiety and fear.
A Gut Feeling Confirmed
At 18 weeks, a gnawing instinct led Emma to book a reassurance scan. A private scan indicated issues with the baby's bladder, prompting an early 20-week hospital scan. The diagnosis was Posterior Urethral Valves (PUV), a rare obstruction in the urethra. Medical teams shifted to clinical language, referring to the baby as a foetus, which added to the pain. With no hope for survival, TFMR was recommended.
The Agonising Decision and Aftermath
Choosing TFMR meant not only losing her baby but also relinquishing dreams of first steps, Christmases, and family holidays. The process was fraught with complications: due to endometriosis, adenomyosis, and scar tissue, Emma required a surgical termination, but her local hospital wouldn't perform it beyond 14 weeks. Referred to an abortion clinic, she faced further hurdles due to her complex gynaecological history.
Eventually, with help from the charity Marie Stopes, she secured a surgical termination at a hospital in East London, over an hour from her Cambridge home. The procedure left her with profound silence where a heartbeat once was.
Physical and Emotional Toll
Post-surgery, Emma experienced unexpected milk production and wasn't offered medication to prevent it. Eight weeks later, she was hospitalised with sepsis from an ovarian infection, nearly losing her life. A year after the TFMR, her mother passed away, compounding her grief. She describes the loss as a quiet, aching confusion between love, guilt, and survival—a grief that exists in the shadows, without adequate support or language for mourning.
Finding a New Path Forward
Amidst the pain, Emma realised she couldn't live based on "what ifs." While theoretically able to try IVF again, she chose to step off the fertility merry-go-round. In 2022, she and her husband moved to the Mediterranean, embracing a child-free life filled with happiness and freedom.
Emma's message to other women: Life after infertility may not look as imagined, but it can still be joyful. Sometimes, resilience means knowing when to let go. She shares her story to offer hope and solidarity, encouraging others in similar situations to find peace beyond the storm.
