A woman who spent £54,000 on IVF after being diagnosed with severe endometriosis has spoken of the ‘impossible choice’ she faced when told her baby would not survive.
The 36-year-old, who has asked not to be named, was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis at 27. After years of fertility treatment, she became pregnant on her sixth IVF cycle. But at 20 weeks, scans revealed the baby had posterior urethral valves, a rare condition causing fatal kidney and lung damage.
Doctors told her the baby would not survive, leaving her to choose between ending the pregnancy or continuing knowing her child would die. She opted for a termination for medical reasons (TFMR), knowing she would never be pregnant again. ‘I chose our child’s peace over my pain,’ she said.
She faced further distress when her local hospital refused a surgical termination beyond 14 weeks, despite being 21 weeks pregnant. After being referred to an abortion clinic that could not help due to her endometriosis, she eventually found a hospital willing to perform the procedure. ‘A TFMR is not a choice, it’s a medical necessity,’ she stressed.
Now, as Baby Loss Awareness Week ends, she calls for greater recognition of women who experience TFMR. ‘Losing a baby is devastating in any circumstance, but when that loss comes through termination for medical reasons, it becomes something else entirely – a complex, lonely kind of grief.’
