Matildas sensation Mary Fowler has courageously revealed she nearly took her own life during a devastating mental health crisis that began when she was just 17 years old.
The Darkest Moments in France
The Manchester City forward makes this heartbreaking admission in her upcoming memoir, Bloom, where she explains she continues to deal with the psychological battle that brought her to the brink of disaster shortly before her 20th birthday.
Fowler had relocated to France to play for Montpellier HSC when she reached her lowest point. "One night, I got closer than ever before," she writes in the powerful memoir. "In that moment, I didn't follow through. But I did sit there for most of the night pleading for anyone up above who would listen to please just take me."
Identity Crisis and Self-Harm
The 22-year-old footballer, who began representing teams at just 10 years old and starred for the Young Matildas at 15, attributes her overwhelming dark thoughts to a profound sense of loss from growing up too quickly and the isolation from family and friends.
During her time in France, Fowler resorted to self-harm as a coping mechanism for her emotional pain. "The motivation was to divert my emotional pain," she revealed. "Looking back now, it's bizarre that I thought physically harming myself would feel better than dealing with my emotions, but I was young and didn't know how to cope with the situation in front of me."
Fowler described experiencing an identity crisis while struggling with performance expectations and navigating a challenging work environment abroad.
Healing and Support System
Despite the trauma of her mental health struggle, Fowler believes the experience ultimately shaped her into a stronger person. "Despite all the challenges in Montpellier, it changed me in beautiful ways," she writes. "It burst the bubble of my football world and opened my eyes to the life all around me I was taking for granted in my pursuit of fame."
The Queensland-born forward, currently recovering from a serious knee injury, credits her boyfriend Penrith NRL star Nathan Cleary as a crucial support during her recovery from the darkest period of her life.
"Something I really appreciate in our relationship is that although we're both professional athletes, most of our talk is about the mental side," Fowler told News Corp. "Nathan has been so helpful with that. He is almost like a role model for me. I draw inspiration from what he does, because we are both such different athletes."
Fowler has sought professional mental health support and confided in family and friends throughout her healing process, though the terrifying episode continues to affect her. "I can't lie and say that some days it doesn't affect me," she admits.
While researching Australian mental health statistics, Fowler was shocked by the scale of the problem. "It just blew my mind how big those numbers are," she writes. "It really connected with me that, in a way, I could easily have been one of those statistics."
The couple have maintained their high-profile relationship across continents in 2024, with Fowler playing for Manchester City in England while Cleary remained in Australia with Penrith Panthers.
In September, Fowler made history as the first professional footballer to walk the runway in the prestigious Défilé L'Oreal Paris show at Paris Fashion Week, sharing the catwalk with superstars including Kendall Jenner and Eva Longoria.
