Sixteen Hard-Earned Relationship Tips for Lasting Love and Partnership
While there is no universal recipe for a successful relationship, learning from others can help build one that endures. For Valentine's Day, Guardian readers contributed their best insights, offering a diverse range of perspectives on love, honor, and accommodation.
Make Life Easier for Each Other
Brandi from North Carolina reflects on George Eliot's quote: "What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?" Struggling with depression, she finds that doing one small thing to improve her partner's day makes her feel she hasn't failed entirely.
Lower Your Expectations
Tim, a retiree from New York, advises that high expectations can lead to conflict and disappointment. Appreciating what you have, within healthy limits, expands your capacity for love without accepting abuse.
Laugh Together Often
Ollie, 35, from Colorado, met his wife in high school and fell in love because she made him laugh. Over 20 years, laughter has eased pain during hard times, such as when they celebrated buying their first home by playfully running naked through the house, turning tears into joy.
Remember You're Different – Not Better or Worse
An anonymous reader from Illinois emphasizes that recognizing different upbringings and adjusting accordingly strengthens long-term relationships, whether with friends or romantic partners.
Learn How to Have Uncomfortable Conversations
Christine, 44, from Colorado, learned the hard way that avoiding difficult talks can be detrimental. After her husband unexpectedly ended their relationship without explanation, she realized the importance of feeling safe to express needs and sit in discomfort together.
Love, Honor, Cherish, Accommodate
Paul from Florida, married for 36 years to someone opposite in many ways, finds happiness boils down to these four words, highlighting the power of accommodation in partnerships.
Remember Why You're Together
Cliff, 72, from Illinois, urges couples to never forget what brought them together, as momentary irritations are unlikely to outweigh the original reasons for falling in love.
It Doesn't Always Work Out – And That's Fine
Seth, 40, from Wyoming, notes that while fairytale romances are desired, life often differs. Love is positive, but not everyone reciprocates or treats you properly, and being single can be better than a poor relationship.
Learn to Listen
An anonymous reader from California advises seeking to understand more than to be understood, fostering deeper connection through attentive listening.
Be Honest
An anonymous UK contributor warns that even white lies cause doubt and insecurity, undermining relationships. Honesty should be a foundation, not an exception.
Like the Person You're in Love With
Another anonymous UK reader suggests imagining if this person would be your choice on a deserted island. Fancying each other and enjoying surprises, like late-night talks, strengthens bonds.
And Be Friends with Them
Dating should involve getting to know someone as a friend, assessing compatibility in interests, morals, and kindness. If not, it's better to stop early, as love ebbs and flows, but friendship lasts.
Give Them Room to Grow
Jack, 68, from Ohio, cautions that people change over time, and trying to hold a partner back or mold them to your image dooms the relationship.
Have a Short Memory
Tony, 79, from Georgia, advocates against holding grudges for past mistakes, promoting forgiveness and moving forward.
Let Them Be Right
Philip from the UK advises allowing partners to do things their way, even if you disagree, as control shrinks relationships and hinders shared love.
Partner with Someone Competent
Erin, 42, from Australia, warns against doing everything for a partner, as it can lead to resentment and regret later on.
