From Childhood Passion to Adult Rediscovery
As a five-year-old, Sian Cain's artistic world revolved around fairies, the Spice Girls, and an unusual interpretation of Vincent van Gogh. Her introduction to the famous artist came not through art history books, but through Brenda V Northeast's picture book For the Love of Vincent, which presented the tormented Dutch painter as a teddy bear. This whimsical version sparked a lifelong fascination that would eventually lead her back to painting decades later.
The Fear of Judgment
For years, Cain painted happily without concern for technique or criticism. However, when she reached high school and art became a graded subject, everything changed. The transition from pure creative expression to evaluated performance made the process terrifying. As she learned more about artists like the real Vincent van Gogh, she began to believe that the artistic life was reserved for those who experienced existence more intensely - both in joy and suffering.
This perception, combined with the pressure of assessment, led her to abandon painting entirely. She found solace in the belief that she would never achieve exceptional status, making it easier to simply stop creating altogether.
The Return to Painting
Years later, while working as an art writer, Cain felt the familiar urge to create resurface. Specifically, she became drawn to oil painting - a medium she had never attempted but always associated with artistic prestige. Her motivation was twofold: she wanted to learn painting techniques, but more importantly, she wanted to learn how to be comfortable with potentially being bad at something while continuing to pursue it.
Back to Basics
Cain enrolled in a twelve-week oil painting course, committing to four hours every Sunday at an easel. The curriculum took students through fundamental principles including color theory, composition, drawing techniques, and the crucial skill of paint mixing. Progress was strictly controlled - students only received permission to begin painting once their teacher approved their properly mixed palette.
The course progressed through various artistic forms including abstraction, landscape, and portraiture. Learning occurred primarily through copying masterworks: one week involved painting a John Singer Sargent portrait entirely in black and white, while another focused on recreating Anders Zorn's portrait of Martha Dana to master the simplified "Zorn palette" of just four colors.
Finding Pleasure in Difficulty
The most significant lesson emerged from embracing struggle rather than avoiding it. Cain discovered she wasn't immediately proficient with oils. One particularly challenging session involved three frustrating hours attempting to paint a satin ribbon curled on a table, leaving her in a foul mood afterward. She felt angry about not being naturally gifted at something difficult, then angry at herself for that very frustration.
However, when she collected her painting the following week, perspective shifted. Her ribbon was actually respectable for a first attempt, and she had gained valuable knowledge - primarily that she disliked painting fabric, but also that she could accomplish the task and would improve with practice.
The Mean Teacher Moment
Weeks later, another assignment tested her patience: painting a white sheet against a white background. This exercise taught her another valuable lesson about art education - sometimes teachers deliberately create challenging scenarios to push students beyond their comfort zones.
Building Confidence Through Display
Completing the course gave Cain the confidence to paint independently without specific goals or supervision. Each week, she would return home with her previous week's creation and place it on her refrigerator - a nostalgic gesture honoring what her five-year-old self would have done.
This simple act transformed her kitchen appliance into a personal gallery wall. When visitors noticed and commented on her paintings, she gradually learned to accept their interest without embarrassment. This process of sharing imperfect work became its own form of character development, a journey she believes would have made both Vincent the man and Vincent the bear proud.
The experience taught her that artistic growth often comes not from avoiding difficulty, but from engaging with it directly - a lesson that applies far beyond the canvas.
