It is often said that it takes a village to raise a child, but new research has revealed that more than a tenth of parents have no support network at all. A parenting expert has now offered tips on how to 'build your village' to help navigate the challenges of raising children.
Key Findings from the Study
A study of 1,000 mothers and fathers with children aged 10 and under found that 71 per cent admitted they would have been lost without the help of others. On average, parents have five people on hand to make life easier. However, busy work schedules (42 per cent), living too far from relatives (41 per cent), and not wanting to burden others (37 per cent) were cited as reasons why building a support network is harder today.
Other barriers include friends being at different life stages (32 per cent), a lack of local community (25 per cent), and smaller family networks (24 per cent). As a result, 56 per cent of parents rely on virtual support from online parenting groups, including WhatsApp chats, Facebook groups, and Instagram pages.
Expert Insights
Melissa Cohen, spokesperson for Vitabiotics Pregnacare, which commissioned the research, said: 'Support during pregnancy and while parenting can make all the difference, but not everyone has a village around them. Many are living further away than ever from friends and family, and building a village from scratch can seem like a daunting prospect. But it doesn't have to be vast, with a crowd of people around you. Whether it's physical support, someone on the end of the phone, or even online, it all helps to give you guidance, advice, or simply just an ear when you need it.'
Most Important Roles in a Village
The study found that parents consider the most important role in their village to be other mothers and fathers who have been through similar experiences (61 per cent). Emotional support is essential for 57 per cent, followed by a 'practical helper' who can cook or assist with emergency school runs. Interestingly, 16 per cent think it is important to have at least one child-free person in their circle to provide respite from baby talk.
Top 10 Roles in a Parenting Village
- Someone who has been there and done it before
- The emotional support
- The practical helper
- Someone who is calm in a crisis
- The reliable babysitter
- The fun aunt or uncle who can play with the children
- Someone who had a child at the same time
- Someone organised who knows important nursery or school dates
- A doctor
- A social butterfly
Benefits of Having a Village
For 42 per cent of parents, the biggest benefit of having a village is feeling less alone. Support during difficult moments (41 per cent) and reduced stress or anxiety (41 per cent) are also key advantages. More than a third (34 per cent) said they gained more confidence in parenting decisions, while 28 per cent credited their village with helping them get out of the house. Additionally, 26 per cent said it allowed them to enjoy parenting more.
Challenges in Asking for Help
Parents find it most difficult to ask for help to have time for themselves (29 per cent). Nearly a quarter struggle to ask for help overnight (23 per cent), and 21 per cent find it hard to admit they are finding things difficult. Others find it hard to ask for help with household tasks (19 per cent), emotional reassurance (18 per cent), and even childcare (18 per cent). However, 51 per cent of those polled said they would feel honoured to be considered part of someone's village, and 32 per cent would feel proud.
Modern Village Roles
In a modern context, emotional support is considered the most important role (44 per cent), ahead of practical help (38 per cent) and giving honest advice instead of perfect answers (38 per cent).
Expert Advice from Sarah Ockwell-Smith
Antenatal teacher and doula Sarah Ockwell-Smith said: 'As humans, we are meant to parent as a tribe, sharing the roles with each other. Only a generation or two ago, the mental and physical load would be shared with family who lived nearby. Now, we are all so busy working and keeping our children happy and healthy, often entirely alone and unsupported. It's no surprise that so many struggle. The good news is that it is possible to build a constellation of support around you with just a few easy tips.'
Top Five Tips to Build Your Village
- Don't be afraid to speak to other parents. If you are an introvert, remember that other parents at playgroups may be thinking the same as you. Be brave and make the first move.
- Don't wait to be offered help; ask for it. People may want to help but fear overstepping. Asking for specific help is more likely to get the support you need.
- Start a WhatsApp group. If you attend a baby class, ask the organiser to suggest sharing contact details or set up a group with everyone's consent to keep in touch.
- Find your tribe online. The internet can help you meet other parents, especially if you live in an area where meeting people in real life is difficult. Look for groups that match your interests or parenting style.
- Don't compare yourself to people online. Remember that online is not real life. Those seemingly perfect parents are also dealing with sleepless nights, messy homes, and feelings of inadequacy.
