The art of feigning illness when calling in sick has reached sophisticated levels, with some claiming the most convincing method involves lying on your back with your head hanging over the mattress to achieve the perfect vocal death rattle. For self-employed individuals, however, a day under the duvet represents a day without earnings, making such deception less appealing.
The National Sickie Day Phenomenon
I haven't personally taken a fraudulent sick day since my school years, when I discovered the next biology lesson would require dissecting a bull's bulging eye in a petri dish. The prospect of lying to my mother seemed far less traumatic than that particular educational experience. Yet the practice of throwing a sickie has become such an established national pastime that it now has its own designated awareness day.
Last Monday marked National Sickie Day, as the first Monday of February is supposedly so relentlessly bleak that workplace absences traditionally peak. This year's observance might face competition from several dates in June and July, given this is a World Cup year when sporting enthusiasm often trumps professional commitment.
The Universal Basic Income Proposal
However, the entire labour force might soon be pulling a permanent sickie if the progressive Left manages to transform its socialist fantasy of Universal Basic Income (UBI) into reality. This radical proposal would provide every citizen with a liveable salary regardless of employment status or wealth, effectively negating the fundamental need to work at all.
The scheme would not involve means testing, meaning both a millionaire company CEO and a recent school leaver would receive identical monthly payments from the state, potentially around £1,600 each. Last month, investment minister Lord Stockwood revealed that government discussions have indeed taken place regarding introducing UBI to support those predicted to face a jobless future due to artificial intelligence advancements.
AI and Employment Concerns
Artificial intelligence can undoubtedly complete numerous clerical tasks and much more at speeds far exceeding human capability, sounding what some describe as a death knell for junior positions within City firms. London Mayor Sadiq Khan has expressed such concern about "a new era of mass unemployment" that he established a dedicated task force in January focusing specifically on AI and the future of work.
Yet we should not be deceived by Left-wing rhetoric into believing this represents an insurmountable problem requiring radical socialist solutions. Every labour-saving technology throughout history has prompted predictions of mass job losses, yet the same pattern consistently emerges: employees displaced from mechanised or automated industries are rapidly absorbed by other growing sectors.
Indeed, despite computers and the internet revolutionising workplaces, employment rates remain near historic peaks. Artificial intelligence will likely follow this established pattern rather than creating the catastrophic unemployment scenarios some predict.
The Marxist Origins of UBI
The real motivation behind Labour's interest in Universal Basic Income stems from its origins as a Marxist dream where work becomes optional while basic needs are covered by state handouts. This concept finds roots in Thomas More's 16th century political satire Utopia, where similar economic structures were imagined.
Labour has dabbled with these ideas since 1918 when social campaigners Dennis and Mabel Milner presented their proposal for a "national minimum wage for all" to the party. Their scheme involved the government collecting 20 percent of everyone's income and redistributing it equally to all adults regardless of means.
While UBI remained a fringe cause favoured primarily by figures like Jeremy Corbyn and more radical unions for decades, support for this economic fever dream expanded significantly following the COVID-19 pandemic. Inspired by furlough schemes, activists gathered 200,000 signatures across Europe demanding permanent state income for all citizens.
Contemporary Political Support
As Mayor of Manchester, Andy Burnham has advocated for his city to pilot a UBI scheme, while Greens leader Zack Polanski has pushed for similar trials in London through his role as a London Assembly member. Interestingly, UBI proposals are not exclusively confined to the political Left.
Milton Friedman, Margaret Thatcher's favourite economist, proposed a similar "negative income tax" system where the tax framework would either provide payments or collect revenue based on individual income levels. However, Friedman would likely be disappointed to discover that Universal Basic Income has failed spectacularly wherever implemented experimentally.
Failed Experiments and Consequences
Between 2017 and 2019, Finland conducted an experiment paying €560 (£490) monthly to 2,000 unemployed individuals. Unlike traditional unemployment benefits, recipients could keep this money in full even if they secured employment. Researchers hoped this financial security would alleviate cashflow worries and enable participants to concentrate on finding fulfilling work.
While recipients reported increased happiness, the scheme failed completely in its primary objective: it didn't help participants find employment. They remained unemployed, simply with more disposable income, prompting the Finnish government to abandon the initiative.
In Labour-led Wales, that "mad, hissing laboratory of Left-wing ideals," authorities began paying £1,600 monthly to 600 care-leavers aged 18 in 2022. This unconditional payment required no job search efforts and would continue even if recipients found work. Predictably, many recipients reported spending significant portions on alcohol and cannabis, with one participant telling evaluators: "Basically, because I had £800 in my account, I ended up spending £300 – all on alcohol." Even the Welsh government has now decided to terminate this failed experiment.
The Astronomical Costs
Lord Stockwood has suggested the technology sector might fund a British Universal Basic Income as punishment for developing job-destroying artificial intelligence. This proposal proves economically preposterous upon examination.
Providing £1,600 monthly to Britain's entire working-age population of 37.5 million would cost approximately £720 billion annually. For perspective, the combined annual profits of all FTSE 100 companies total just £312 billion. Even accounting for potential savings on existing welfare expenditure, £720 billion would completely obliterate budgets for healthcare, pensions, education, and defence combined.
The Workshy Crisis Intensified
Working people would inevitably bear the financial burden through massively increased taxation, with devastating consequences for the broader economy. Raise taxes sufficiently to fund UBI, and millions might reasonably conclude that working no longer proves worthwhile when £1,600 arrives monthly regardless of effort.
Britain already faces a workshy crisis with 6.5 million working-age individuals claiming out-of-work benefits. This situation would deteriorate dramatically if remaining stigma about state dependency were eliminated entirely. Welfare policy should instead move toward obligatory work placements for the unemployed to prevent systemic exploitation by idlers.
This approach initially characterised Labour's position upon taking office eighteen months ago. Last year, Work and Pensions Secretary Pat McFadden announced 55,000 compulsory work placements for young people unemployed beyond eighteen months. Unfortunately, this optimism has given way to defeatism as the government abandoned welfare reform efforts last month, citing insufficient parliamentary time following last summer's political setbacks.
The Hard Left Ascendant
The hard Left faction now firmly controls the party's direction, explaining why increasingly radical socialist schemes like Universal Basic Income are surfacing in political discourse. These proposals must be resisted vigorously before Britain's economy transforms into one extended duvet day of state-funded indolence.
The fundamental truth remains unchanged: handing people free money makes them temporarily happier but does nothing to encourage productive employment. As Finland and Wales have demonstrated through costly experiments, Universal Basic Income represents an economic fantasy that Britain cannot afford to entertain, regardless of technological advancements or political fashion.
