Toxic Parenting WhatsApp Groups Exposed: Celebrities and Fathers Speak Out
When Disney star Ashley Tisdale recently revealed her experience with a 'toxic mom group' in an article for The Cut, it sparked a wave of recognition from other parents who feel similarly ostracised, judged, and bullied by fellow mothers presumed to be friends. Tisdale's candid account demonstrates that celebrity status offers no immunity from the painful dynamics of exclusion, with the actress describing feeling 'left out' and 'not cool enough' in these social circles.
The Father's Perspective: A Hostage Situation in Digital Parenting
According to one father who spoke exclusively to the Daily Mail, these toxic dynamics extend beyond celebrity circles and can be even more pronounced for fathers. Mark*, a Scottish photographer and father-of-one, described his experience in a parents' WhatsApp group as feeling 'held hostage' by the collective pressure and expectations.
Mark and his wife had decided to homeschool their eight-year-old son and initially found comfort in connecting with approximately 200 local parents in similar circumstances. What began as a welcoming community, however, quickly transformed into a source of significant pressure and anxiety.
'It was really quite unpleasant,' Mark recalled. 'There was this saccharine smiling on the outside, but actually underneath the subtext was: "Do what we say, or your child doesn't get to come back next term."'The Clay Snails Incident: Bullying Through Implied Threats
Mark detailed one particularly bizarre incident that exemplified the group's toxic dynamics. At the last minute, he was asked to create 100 clay snails for distribution at a local Christmas market for children. Feeling bullied into compliance, Mark believed that refusal would result in his child's exclusion from future events.
'There was this silent command, which was, if you don't help, you don't get to come back,' he explained. 'It was never quite said like that, but there were carefully chosen words that implied that parents who were actively involved in this Christmas market would be given a preference.'
The father described feeling 'held hostage' by these unspoken expectations, noting the tremendous stress of wanting to provide social opportunities for his child while navigating these manipulative dynamics. After completing the demanding task, Mark and his wife began reassessing their group involvement but continued participating where possible.
Exclusion and Accusations: When Parenting Groups Turn Ugly
The consequences of their reduced compliance became apparent when the couple found themselves 'frozen out' of certain meet-ups after failing to produce the required clay snails. 'When we stopped playing ball, that group, they just shut the door on us, and suddenly we weren't being messaged,' Mark revealed. 'We just found that there were fewer invites, and then all of a sudden, there was just no conversation. Now they kind of give us a smile and walk off.'
Other parents adopted more direct approaches. In one shocking encounter, a mother in the group chat allegedly accused Mark's eight-year-old son of being a misogynist and 'future incel' after the father joked about his son's preference for playing with boys.
'I was laughing about how our son doesn't like girls - he's at that boy age where he just wants to be with boys,' Mark recounted. 'And this mum gets really really offended, and said "He sounds like a future incel to me", and "What a misogynist". I tried to explain that I was like that at his age, but she was so angry.'
Mark described the mother as 'really quite shockingly rude' and confessed he still encounters her at activities but no longer engages in conversation. He characterised several parents in the group as 'oddities' and 'professionally angry people,' requiring constant vigilance in his interactions.
The Public Shaming Incident: When WhatsApp Groups Become Courtrooms
Despite his efforts to maintain peace, Mark inadvertently upset other parents through a payment oversight that led to public shaming in the WhatsApp group. After forgetting to pay the monthly fee for a class organised through the group, Mark was 'outed' in the public chat with over 200 members rather than being approached privately.
'One of the dads running the class put a really inflammatory burn post up, naming and shaming the two or three parents, of which we were one, and saying we hadn't paid the fees,' he explained. A colour-coded chart suddenly appeared with names of those who hadn't paid highlighted in red.
Mark responded by explaining he hadn't realised payment was due and politely requested future communications be made personally. 'There was no communication. We went straight from him expecting a payment, that I didn't know he was expecting, to him burning us on social media, and trying to get all the other parents to be cross with us as well, by telling them.'
The exchange escalated quickly, ruining Mark's family holiday to Mexico as he became locked in a heated back-and-forth on his phone until the other father offered a half-hearted apology. 'Eventually he said, "If I offended you, I didn't mean to," but I thought that's not really an apology, but let's leave it at that.'
Gender Dynamics in Toxic Parenting Groups
While many parenting groups are predominantly female, Mark noted his local WhatsApp group was fairly mixed gender-wise. Interestingly, he observed that fathers tended to be more directly confrontational than mothers in these settings.
'The mums will be quite smiley, but they might, behind your back, say "oh, he's awful", or whatever - they're quite passive-aggressive,' Mark observed. 'Whereas I think I've probably had more confrontations with dads than I have with mums.'
Survival Strategies for Navigating Toxic Parenting Communities
Despite finding himself in numerous tense situations with other parents, Mark's advice for others facing similar dynamics emphasises restraint and disengagement. 'Nothing good or beneficial comes from getting involved. It's usually better to just smile and nod and get out as quickly as you possibly can,' he recommended.
'More drama doesn't usually mean more happiness. I would always say, avoid the drama if you possibly can.'
Mark concluded that managing these social dynamics has become an additional parenting burden, requiring constant vigilance. 'It feels like I have to manage my son's behaviour, now I have to manage these people's behaviour. I have to tread carefully on eggshells and through a minefield in case of upsetting or offending people.'
* Names have been changed to protect identities
