Many people don't realise who they're dating until it's too late. By the time the red flags surface, you're already emotionally invested, and walking away suddenly feels a lot harder.
According to Perth-based matchmaker Louanne Ward, this is exactly where so many singles go wrong. After more than three decades working as a relationship coach, she said modern dating isn't failing because of a lack of options, it's failing because people are letting chemistry lead, while compatibility barely gets a look in.
'Attraction and chemistry make the decision for you before your judgement gets a say,' she explained in an Instagram post to her 26,000 followers. It's a pattern she sees time and time again with people swept up in the early rush, only to realise months later that they've built something with the wrong person.
Now, she's urging singles to flip that script entirely. Instead of relying on instinct alone, Louanne has revealed the nine questions she gets all of her matchmaking clients to ask early on. These are specifically designed to cut through the surface-level spark and uncover whether someone is actually right for you.
At the heart of her theory is that compatibility isn't something you discover later - it's something you can identify from the start, if you know what to look for.
Mismatched Expectations and Past Reflections
One of the biggest relationship killers, she said, is mismatched expectations. Asking someone what they believe is unrealistic in a relationship may sound subtle, but it quickly reveals whether you're working towards the same kind of partnership, or heading in completely different directions.
Equally telling is how someone reflects on their past. A question about whether they'd go back and mend a broken bridge, and why, can quietly expose their ability to take accountability, as well as their emotional maturity.
Understanding Their Role and Resilience
She also posed the question of what do the people closest to you come to you for? According to Louanne, this is one of the hardest answers to fake, and one of the clearest indicators of what someone is actually capable of giving in a relationship.
She also encouraged singles to dig deeper into how someone handles adversity. Asking about the hardest thing they've ever done offers a glimpse into whether they grow under pressure or fall apart when things get tough.
And when it comes to conflict, she warned there are no surprises later. The way someone resolves disagreements is usually set early in life, which means understanding their approach upfront could save months, or even years, of frustration.
Lifestyle, Values, and Future Direction
Lifestyle alignment is another non-negotiable that many ignore; something as simple as asking someone to describe their ideal day can quickly highlight whether your visions of happiness are aligned. Because if they're not, no amount of attraction will bridge that gap long-term.
The same goes for values. Asking what someone isn't willing to compromise on reveals their non-negotiables instantly, and whether they match your own.
Future direction, too, plays a critical role. 'You can love someone completely and still be wrong for each other,' Louanne explained, noting that without a shared path forward, even the strongest connection can become what she describes as a 'beautiful dead end.'
The Ultimate Question
Finally, one of the most powerful questions of all - what would it take for you to walk away from someone you love? The answer, she said, reveals everything from values and boundaries to self-respect.
It's a direct contrast to the way many people are currently dating. As Louanne has previously pointed out, modern singles are increasingly caught in cycles of situationships, emotional burnout and endless swiping, often mistaking fleeting chemistry for long-term potential.
But these questions, she insisted, aren't about turning dating into an interrogation. 'The right person is not just someone you are attracted to,' she said. 'They are someone whose character you respect and whose future runs in the same direction as yours.'
And far from killing the romance, she believes these questions actually protect it. Because in a dating landscape where time is easily wasted and intentions are often unclear, knowing what to ask, and when, might just be the difference between another dead-end and something that actually lasts.
The Nine Burning Questions You Should Always Ask
- What do you believe is an unrealistic expectation in a relationship?
- If you could go back and mend a broken bridge, who would it be with and why?
- What do the people closest to you come to you for?
- What was the hardest thing you have ever had to do and why?
- How do you like to resolve conflict?
- Describe your ideal day.
- What is something you are not willing to compromise on?
- Where do you see yourself in three years?
- What would it take for you to walk away from someone you love?
