A leading psychiatrist has shed light on a subtle yet powerful sign that could indicate an underlying personality disorder, and it revolves around a single, consuming emotional state.
Professor Ahmed Hankir, a consultant psychiatrist known for his educational TikTok content, has highlighted a specific symptom called limerence. He posed a poignant question to his followers, asking if they have ever been so consumed by another person that their entire world revolves around them, even in the face of being ignored or hurt.
"That might not just be love," Dr Hankir cautioned. "It could be limerence, one of the least known but most painful symptoms of borderline personality disorder."
What is Limerence?
Dr Hankir explained that limerence is not simple infatuation; it is an intense, all-consuming emotional fixation on one specific person. This fixation is often directed towards someone who is emotionally unavailable or who may not treat others well.
He described how a person suffering from borderline personality disorder will "idealise" their subject of affection, placing them on a pedestal. "You crave their validation like oxygen and even the smallest breadcrumb of attention feels euphoric," he said.
This dynamic leads the individual to make the other person the absolute centre of their universe, regardless of whether that person is dismissive, abusive, or rude. The expert noted that when this person pulls away, "it can feel like your world collapses."
The Root Cause and Its Devastating Impact
According to Professor Hankir, limerence is thought to stem from early attachment wounds. "Many people with BPD describe having an inconsistent or emotionally absent caregiver, sometimes a father figure, sometimes a mother," he explained.
As adults, they unconsciously seek to recreate this dynamic, chasing partners who replicate that same emotional distance in a desperate attempt to earn the love they never consistently received in childhood.
The psychiatrist emphasised that limerence can be one of the most debilitating symptoms of BPD because it effectively hijacks a person's identity. "You lose yourself in the pursuit of another person's approval," he stated, adding that the pain of rejection or replacement can be so intense it feels unbearable, potentially leading to rage, despair, or even suicidal thoughts.
The Path to Recovery
Despite the severity of the condition, Dr Hankir offered a clear message of hope. He urged anyone who recognises these patterns in themselves to seek professional help.
"With therapy, especially dialectical behavioural therapy, you can learn to regulate these emotions and rebuild your sense of self," he assured viewers. The ultimate goal, he concluded, is for an individual's world to begin revolving around themselves once more. "True healing starts when your world begins to revolve around you again," he said.
For context, borderline personality disorder is defined by the American Psychological Association as being characterised by a long-standing pattern of instability in mood, interpersonal relationships, and self-image that is severe enough to cause extreme distress.
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), BPD affects between 1.6 to 5.9 percent of adults in the US. The disorder involves a severe difficulty in regulating emotions, which leads to intense mood swings, impulsive behaviour, unstable relationships, and a poor self-image.
