Music icon Lulu has shared her profound fear of suffering a relapse in her long-running battle with alcoholism, revealing that the process of writing her candid memoir left her so 'traumatised' she had to return to therapy.
The Struggle with Sobriety and Temptation
The 77-year-old singer, who shot to fame after winning the Eurovision Song Contest in 1969, has maintained her sobriety for more than 12 years. However, during an appearance on Matt Willis' On The Mend podcast, she confessed to experiencing moments of intense temptation. Lulu explained that while she has never given in, she maintains a 'healthy fear' of what could happen.
'I have a healthy fear of relapse, but I don't go around thinking, oooh oooh. I think I have an understanding that it could happen,' she said. The star admitted there have been occasions, particularly around fine food, where she has thought, 'This is so delicious... I would love that white wine with this.'
Yet, she remains steadfast, knowing the catastrophic personal cost. 'I know where I go when I have that. And the price I would have to pay - it's like cutting off your arm... I would just collapse. It would be the end of me.'
Memoir Sparks Return to Therapy
The publication of her autobiography, If Only You Knew, in the autumn of last year, had a severe impact on her mental health. Lulu revealed that delving into her past for the book was so distressing it forced her back into professional support.
'I need to go back into therapy, seriously. I did it for the book. The book threw me back into therapy, it traumatised me so much,' she stated. This process of revisiting her history led her to confront a lifelong internal conflict between her two identities: Marie, her birth name, and Lulu, the stage persona she created as a teenager.
She described Marie as 'happy but scrappy, sometimes angry, bluesy', while Lulu was the 'pop princess who was squeaky clean'. Adopting this new character at 15 brought love and success, but eventually 'rubbed against' her true self, creating deep-seated issues.
A Family History and Secret Struggle
Lulu's battle with drink is intertwined with family history, notably her father's own struggles. She has expressed sadness that her dad 'didn't have the tools' or help available to her today. Her addiction was a source of immense shame, mirroring her father's, and was kept secret for years.
'Nobody knew I was an alcoholic,' she has said previously. 'It was never bad because I was a fall-down drunk, nobody ever saw me.' Her turning point came in November 2013 during a conversation with her family. After her niece mentioned someone 'hanging on by his fingernails' with alcohol, Lulp blurted out, 'He's not the only one.'
Her sister, a psychotherapist, gently replied, 'I know. I've known for quite some time.' This moment of revelation was pivotal. 'The cat was out of the bag. It was as if somebody up there likes me, I know have to share it,' Lulu recalled. She asked if she needed rehab, and with her sister's agreement, she entered treatment the very next day, beginning her journey to sustained sobriety.
