The festive season, often pictured as a time of joy and connection, can be a psychologically vulnerable period, making individuals susceptible to rekindling complicated romantic entanglements with former partners, known as 'situationships'.
The Psychology Behind the Festive Slip-Up
According to psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert, the holiday months of November and December create a perfect storm for revisiting past relationships. He points to a dangerous 'psychological loop' that these undefined situationships foster. "There’s connection, but also uncertainty. That mix can be addictive because the highs feel amplified and the lows are often minimized or rationalized," Alpert explained to The Independent.
This dynamic is particularly potent during the festive period. "Nostalgia, loneliness, alcohol, and the general pressure to pair up can distort judgment," he continued. People may lean into the familiar because it feels easier than facing the unknown, or they might hope the holiday magic will miraculously fix a relationship that never truly worked.
Practical Strategies to Maintain Boundaries
To help people avoid slipping back into these old, painful patterns, Alpert, author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days, proposed four key strategies.
Firstly, he insists on achieving clarity by naming the relationship for what it actually was, not what you hoped it could become. Secondly, he advises anticipating vulnerable moments. "If you know late nights, holiday parties, or downtime make you sentimental, plan for that. Reach out to friends, schedule activities, or set digital boundaries," Alpert suggested.
His third tip involves removing easy access by silencing or even temporarily blocking an ex's phone number and social media accounts. Finally, he recommends adopting a simple, firm rule: "If someone couldn’t commit to you in the past, the holidays won’t suddenly give them emotional accuracy. Patterns rarely change because the calendar does."
Reinforcing Your Emotional Defences
Relationship expert and matchmaker Susan Trombetti concurred, warning that the romanticism of the holidays frequently catches people off guard. "Holidays tend to sugar coat that lost love, but snap back to reality. It's not like it is in the movies," she noted.
To fortify your emotional well-being while visiting home, Trombetti offered several self-care tips. She recommends visualising challenging scenarios in advance, such as dealing with a cranky relative or feeling the urge to text an ex, and having a pre-made plan to avoid impulsive actions.
She also strongly advises a moratorium on drunk texting, as alcohol clouds judgement and leads to poor decisions. Ensuring you are well-rested is another crucial step, as fatigue, sickness, or low mood can make you resort to bad habits. For coping with heavy emotions, she suggests journaling, taking outdoor walks, and reconnecting with a childhood friend for a healthy dose of nostalgia.
Trombetti acknowledged that navigating the holidays can be difficult, but the payoff for staying strong is significant. "Just think of how good and emotionally strong you will feel when you return with the knowledge that you didn't give in to any impulses," she concluded, offering a compelling reason to prioritise your long-term happiness over short-term festive nostalgia.
