The festive season, often pictured as a time of joy and connection, can paradoxically become a period of emotional vulnerability, particularly when it comes to past romantic partners. Experts are warning that the holidays create a perfect storm for slipping back into undefined 'situationships' with former lovers.
The Psychology Behind the Festive Backslide
According to psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert, the period of November and December can bring up unresolved feelings, especially when people return to a hometown they have moved away from. The romanticism of the season can sweep individuals into believing it's the right time to rekindle an old flame.
Alpert explains that a 'situationship' involves a certain level of intimacy but lacks firm commitment or definition. He highlights the dangerous 'psychological loop' these dynamics create. "There’s connection, but also uncertainty. That mix can be addictive because the highs feel amplified and the lows are often minimized or rationalized," Alpert told The Independent.
He further noted that nostalgia, loneliness, alcohol, and the general pressure to be in a couple during the holidays can significantly distort a person's judgement.
Practical Strategies to Maintain Boundaries
To help people avoid these emotional pitfalls, Alpert, author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days, proposed four key strategies. First, he advises naming the relationship for what it truly was, not what you hoped it could be, as clarity cuts through wishful thinking.
His second tip is to anticipate vulnerable moments. "If you know late nights, holiday parties, or downtime make you sentimental, plan for that," he said. This involves reaching out to friends, scheduling activities, or setting digital boundaries.
Thirdly, Alpert recommends removing easy access by silencing triggering text threads or even temporarily blocking a phone number or social media account.
"Fourth, create a simple rule for yourself: if someone couldn’t commit to you in the past, the holidays won’t suddenly give them emotional accuracy," he concluded. "Patterns rarely change because the calendar does."
Reinforcing Reality and Self-Care
Relationship expert and matchmaker Susan Trombetti concurred with this assessment, warning that the holidays frequently catch people off guard with their sentimental allure. "Holidays tend to sugar coat that lost love, but snap back to reality. It's not like it is in the movies," she noted.
Trombetti offered her own set of self-care tips for those visiting home. She suggested envisioning challenging scenarios—like being asked about your relationship status or feeling the urge to text an ex—ahead of time and having a concrete plan to avoid regretful actions.
She also put a firm moratorium on drunk texting, citing that alcohol clouds judgement and leads to poor decisions. Ensuring you are well-rested was another key piece of advice, as being tired, sick, or depressed makes people more likely to resort to bad habits.
To cope with heavy emotions, Trombetti recommended journaling, taking outdoor walks, and reconnecting with a childhood friend for a healthier dose of nostalgia.
While she concedes that the holidays can be difficult, Trombetti emphasised the reward of resisting impulsive behaviour. "Just think of how good and emotionally strong you will feel when you return with the knowledge that you didn't give in to any impulses," she said, allowing you to start the new year on a positive and empowered note.
