The festive season, often portrayed as a time of joy and connection, can be a psychologically vulnerable period, especially when it comes to navigating complex past relationships. Experts warn that the unique pressures of November and December can easily lead individuals back into undefined and emotionally taxing 'situationships' with former partners.
The Psychology Behind the Festive Slip-Up
According to psychotherapist Jonathan Alpert, the holiday season creates a perfect storm for rekindling old dynamics. "There's connection, but also uncertainty. That mix can be addictive because the highs feel amplified and the lows are often minimized or rationalized," he explained to The Independent.
Alpert identified a 'psychological loop' that these ambiguous relationships foster. He further noted that nostalgia, loneliness, alcohol, and the general pressure to pair up during the holidays can significantly distort a person's judgement.
Practical Strategies to Maintain Boundaries
To help people avoid slipping back into these patterns, Alpert, author of Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days, proposed four key strategies:
- Name the relationship for what it was, not what you hoped it could be, to cut through wishful thinking.
- Anticipate vulnerable moments like late nights or holiday parties and plan accordingly by reaching out to friends or scheduling activities.
- Remove easy access by silencing triggering text threads or temporarily blocking phone numbers and social media accounts.
- Create a simple personal rule: if someone couldn't commit to you in the past, the holidays won't suddenly change that.
Relationship expert and matchmaker Susan Trombetti concurred, emphasising that the holidays have a way of sugar-coating past loves. "Snap back to reality. It's not like it is in the movies," she advised.
Self-Care to Navigate Emotional Triggers
Trombetti offered complementary self-care tips for those visiting their hometowns. She suggested visualising challenging scenarios in advance, such as dealing with family questions or the urge to text an ex, and having a firm plan.
She also strongly recommended a moratorium on drunk texting, citing impaired judgement. Ensuring you are well-rested was another key tip, as fatigue can lead to resorting to bad habits.
For coping with heavy emotions, Trombetti recommended journaling, taking outdoor walks, and reconnecting with a childhood friend to satisfy the need for nostalgia in a healthier way.
Both experts agree that while the festive period can be difficult, successfully navigating these emotional minefields leads to a powerful payoff. You can return from the holidays feeling emotionally strong and proud, having resisted impulsive decisions and starting the new year on a positive note.
