Television presenter Ruth Langsford has shared a poignant 'hard lesson' she learned while caring for her parents, both of whom have battled Alzheimer's disease. The Loose Women star, 65, explained how she's become a better caregiver for her 94-year-old mother after recognising mistakes she made with her father, who died from the same condition thirteen years ago.
The Turning Point in Dementia Care
During a recent episode of ITV's Loose Women, Langsford delivered an emotional account of her caregiving journey. "I am so much better looking after my mum and being with my mum because of all the mistakes I made with my dad," she revealed. The presenter highlighted the lack of awareness about dementia that existed when her father was alive, noting that society has since become more informed about the condition.
Langsford described how she would repeatedly correct her father when he became confused, not realizing this approach was causing unnecessary stress. "When my dad would say things like, 'Oh, I've been here before, haven't I?' I'd go, 'No, dad, you couldn't have been here before,' because I thought I was helping him remember," she explained. "And I used to use that word, I'd go, 'Dad remember, dad remember when, remember remember'."
Embracing the 'Therapeutic Lie' Approach
With her mother, Langsford has completely changed her approach. Instead of correcting confused statements, she now employs what dementia experts call 'therapeutic lying'. When her mother remarks that she's previously participated in a television show, Langsford simply agrees: "Yeah, that's nice." This technique avoids confrontation and reduces distress for both the caregiver and the person living with dementia.
The Alzheimer's Society officially endorses this approach, advising that lying is preferable if 'doing anything else would cause the person significant physical or psychological harm'. Their guidance explains the difficult balance caregivers must strike between truth and compassion: "We instinctively want to lean towards the 'whole truth' end of the spectrum, but we also want to minimise any distress our response causes to the person with dementia."
The society provides a powerful example of why strict honesty can be cruel: "The whole truth here could mean repeatedly breaking the news of the parent's death as if it has just happened, over and over again. What could be more cruel?"
Living with Alzheimer's Today
Langsford's mother, Joan, now lives in a care home near the presenter's Surrey residence. In an August interview, Langsford disclosed that her mother's memory has deteriorated to the point where she struggles to recall recent meals or even her daughter's visits. "She wouldn't remember what she's had for her lunch or breakfast, and if I go and see her, when I leave, if you said to her was Ruth here today, she'd say no," Langsford shared.
Despite these challenges, moments of connection still occur. "In the moment, she still knows it's me – as soon as she sees me, she says 'Oh, what a lovely surprise!' like she hasn't seen me for months," Langsford noted, highlighting the importance of cherishing these instances of recognition.
The presenter also confessed to experiencing anxiety about her own memory, admitting that occasional forgetfulness now triggers concern. "Every time I forget something, those blank moments where you go 'I've totally forgotten that person's name, and I work with them every day', I can feel that panic," she said.
However, Langsford has chosen not to undergo genetic testing to determine her Alzheimer's risk. "As there's no cure for it, and I know what it involves, I don't want to know. I just want to live my life. If I get it, I get it. I hope not," she explained.
Understanding Alzheimer's Disease in the UK
According to NHS statistics, over 944,000 people in the UK live with dementia, including one in every eleven people aged over 65. The World Health Organisation identifies Alzheimer's disease as the most common form of dementia, accounting for approximately 60-70% of all cases.
Alzheimer's progresses slowly, with initial symptoms typically including minor memory problems like forgetting names or recent conversations. As the condition advances, additional symptoms may emerge:
- Hallucinations and increased confusion
- Communication and speech difficulties
- Problems with decision-making and orientation
- Mood changes including anxiety and depression
- Behavioural changes such as increased aggression
- Mobility issues requiring assistance
The NHS notes that while there's currently no cure for Alzheimer's, treatments are available to help manage symptoms. Support includes environmental adaptations to maintain independence and psychological therapies like cognitive stimulation to support memory and problem-solving skills.
Anyone concerned about potential Alzheimer's symptoms is advised to consult their GP for assessment and guidance.
