In a candid revelation that challenges conventional views on marriage and divorce, best-selling author Cathi Hanauer has detailed the nuanced end of her three-decade-long union with New York Times journalist Daniel Jones. The 63-year-old writer, famed for her expertise on relationships, explained that the separation was a mutual decision for greater personal freedom, yet it comes with an ongoing financial arrangement where her ex-husband continues to provide for her.
The End of an Era: From Wedding Vows to Mutual Release
Cathi Hanauer and Daniel Jones, both 63, married in 1992 and built a life together for thirty years, raising two children in a beautiful $1 million home in Northampton, Massachusetts. However, Hanauer confessed to feeling initial anxiety about a life of monogamy before their wedding, though she was ultimately persuaded by Jones to recite the traditional 'forsaking all others' vows.
The couple's relationship began to show significant strain after their children left for university, creating a classic empty nest scenario. This distance was compounded by the conclusion of their professional collaborations. Despite attempting relationship counselling, they ultimately decided to separate. Their parting was remarkably amicable; Hanauer described in a New York Times opinion piece how they 'hugged, apologized for our shortcomings and freed each other.'
An Unconventional Arrangement: Freedom with Financial Support
What makes this separation particularly unusual is the continued financial connection between the former spouses. Hanauer revealed that Jones still pays for her health insurance and provides a monthly cash stipend. She justified this arrangement by pointing to their collaborative work, which she believes significantly boosted his career.
Together, the couple created The New York Times's wildly successful Modern Love column, a platform where readers share intimate stories about love and relationships. Their professional synergy extended to publishing; Hanauer's successful essay collection, 'The B***h in the House', which detailed the difficulties women face in relationships, inspired Jones to compile a complementary male perspective titled 'The Bastard on the Couch'.
Remarkably, the couple have not formally divorced. They managed to strike a private agreement without lawyers that, in Hanauer's words, 'feels fair to us both.' She insists the separation does not signify a failed marriage, but rather a natural and healthy conclusion after decades of happiness.
New Beginnings and Public Reaction
Since the separation, both have moved on romantically. Hanauer has enjoyed dating a variety of men, including a retired police officer, an engineer, a doctor, and a television producer. Jones has a new girlfriend, with whom Hanauer says she gets along well.
While their children were initially upset by the split, Hanauer reports they have since come to understand the decision. Public reaction to her story, however, has been divided. Some readers criticised the setup, with one calling it 'sheer self-absorption' and another labelling Hanauer's continued financial reliance on Jones as riding a 'gravy train'. Yet others found her honesty powerful and inspiring, admiring the couple's ability to work out a life together, yet apart.
This unique story of a long-term marriage separation offers a fresh perspective on how relationships can evolve and end without acrimony, redefining what it means to part ways while maintaining respect and support.
