While romantic infidelity often dominates relationship discussions, a more insidious form of betrayal is on the rise: financial cheating. Money matters frequently cause friction between couples, but certain behaviours signal something far more serious than simple disagreements over spending.
We consulted Louise Barretto, a specialist family solicitor and legal director at Moore Barlow, to decipher when subtle behavioural shifts might indicate a profound breach of trust concerning finances.
What Exactly Is Financial Cheating?
"It's not a formal legal term, but in essence, it involves dishonesty or deceit around money within a relationship," Barretto explains. "While it can occur in any partnership, between romantic partners, it typically means one person is deliberately hiding or misrepresenting their financial situation."
Six Key Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore
Being aware of these warning signs can help you identify potential financial deception before it causes irreparable damage.
1. Unexplained Missing Money or Withdrawals
If you notice significant sums disappearing from a joint account without a reasonable explanation, it's time to pay attention. "Any unexplained withdrawals or missing funds that you expected to be there is a major red flag," Barretto states. "This includes a partner making large purchases without consulting you."
2. Increased Secrecy Around Finances
Financial transparency is fundamental to a healthy partnership. Barretto warns that when one spouse becomes secretive about bank statements, credit card bills, or suddenly restricts access to accounts that were previously shared, it strongly suggests they may be concealing assets, debts, or unauthorised transfers.
3. A Sudden Shift in Spending Habits
Drastic changes in how your partner spends money can be very telling. "Sudden shifts in spending patterns – whether that manifests as unexplained luxury purchases, frequent cash withdrawals, or becoming uncharacteristically frugal – can signal that a spouse is diverting funds or hiding their financial activity," says Barretto.
4. Glaring Inconsistencies
If your partner's lifestyle doesn't align with their claimed income, it should raise suspicions. Barretto offers a clear example: "If somebody says they earn £200,000 but can't afford to order a pizza, then you should definitely be on your guard."
5. Suspicious Mail or Phone Calls
Even in our digital age, paper trails exist. "Even if you do online banking, if you're in arrears, you're going to get something through the mailbox," Barretto notes. While you cannot legally open someone else's mail, you can certainly ask them about it. Similarly, listen for persistent debt-related messages on a shared landline.
6. Unilateral Changes to Joint Assets
Perhaps one of the most serious breaches is when a partner makes significant decisions about shared property or accounts without discussion. "Unilateral decisions such as liquidating investments, adding new signatories, or transferring funds represent a huge breach of trust," Barretto emphasises. Courts take such actions, often seen as dissipation of marital assets, very seriously during settlement proceedings.
The Profound Impact on Relationships
Financial deception can devastate a relationship's foundation. "Financial cheating can signify a significant breakdown in trust, almost on a par with actual romantic cheating," Barretto reveals. The consequences often lead to a complete relationship breakdown.
Furthermore, if this behaviour occurs during separation or divorce, it complicates proceedings immensely, as the court requires both parties to provide a "full and frank" disclosure of all assets and liabilities.
What To Do If You Suspect Financial Cheating
If your instincts are telling you something is wrong, they are probably correct. Barretto's primary advice is to gather as much information as possible without violating the other party's confidential information.
Choosing the right moment for a conversation is crucial. "Try to ask questions if you're feeling suspicious, but ensure you choose the right time," she advises. "Remain calm and be prepared to disclose your own financial situation so they don't feel under attack."
However, Barretto strongly cautions that direct confrontation is not always safe. If your partner has a tendency to become abusive or volatile, do not have this conversation alone. If the relationship is already rocky and you are contemplating separation, speak to a solicitor before confronting them.
The Importance of Financial Transparency
Despite money talks often being viewed as taboo, open communication is vital for a strong relationship. "Every couple is different, but I firmly believe that it's healthy to sit down together regularly and discuss finances, especially in a marriage," Barretto concludes. Talking about shared financial goals, whether saving for a house or planning for children's education, helps couples feel united and working towards a common future.
