England rugby star Ellie Kildunne has revealed her struggle with body dysmorphia during the coronavirus lockdown, which led to disordered eating and unhealthy weight loss. The 26-year-old, who was instrumental in the Red Roses' World Cup victory last year, spoke candidly to BBC Sport about the isolation of the pandemic.
“I could probably see myself getting a little bit smaller, but then was still trying to chase being smaller on top of that,” she said. “I wasn’t in that team environment with physios all the time, or my team-mates.” She described the deceptive nature of the condition, adding, “and body dysmorphia is such a funny thing, because I would have been small but I would see myself as bigger in the mirror.”
Kildunne, who was part of Great Britain’s sevens squad training for the postponed 2020 Olympics, also highlighted conflicting perceptions of her physique. “In the rugby world, I’m considered small, but in my world outside rugby, I was considered big, so I never really had that place where I felt comfortable, that I fit in.”
Her breakthrough came during a conversation with England physio Emily Ross, where she broke down in tears. “I knew I had a problem but I never wanted to admit it and I think admitting it made it a problem,” she said, emphasising the power of speaking out.
Now the Harlequins full-back, crowned World Player of the Year in 2024 and runner-up for last year’s BBC Sports Personality of the Year, continues to excel. While acknowledging her progress, Kildunne remains vigilant. “I wouldn’t say I’ve got a bad relationship with food now, but it’s something that you’ve always got to be conscious of because I know that I’ve got those habits somewhere. I just need to make sure they don’t come up.”
