A man writes to Jane about his passionate affair with his neighbor, which has spiraled out of control. What began as fun has become a nightmare, as she now demands marriage. He divorced his last wife in September and is not ready for a third wedding. The neighbor insists that because she gave him her body, he must commit. He thought his maisonette would be a safe space but now dreads coming home, knowing she'll be waiting.
The Affair's Progression
They got together before Christmas when she locked herself out. She banged on his door for help and ended up sleeping on his sofa. The next morning, she offered him tea, and one thing led to another. They made love, and he describes it as fantastic. The next day, she brought whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and jelly for playful intimacy. The first few months were fun, but now she wants more. She wants him to tell everyone about her, give up his place, and find a new property together. He feels she's asking too much.
Jane's Advice
Jane says the neighbor clearly sees him as her future, but if he's not interested in settling down, he must be honest. He's caught in a cycle of seduction, alcohol, sex, and arguments. Every time she enters his home, the same pattern repeats. He needs to find strength to rise above. He should have a calm, sober conversation with her. He must admit that resisting her wine and sex is hard, but they need to reset. The bottom line is he's fresh from a second divorce, still finding his place. His lover may want marriage, but he doesn't, for good reason. This is a raw time for him. He should beg her to relax and give him space. If she can't, he may need to move. It's unfortunate things turned toxic, but he can't make shallow promises when his heart isn't in it.
