In baby groups across the UK, a familiar scene unfolds: mothers smiling, juggling conversations while keeping small objects from tiny mouths, feeding and soothing their babies. Yet beneath the surface, many are hiding their true feelings. According to psychologist Emma Svanberg, these women rarely discuss how tired they are, how relentless life feels, or how they sometimes cry in secret. A recent US study found that one in five women with postnatal mood problems do not tell their doctor, a figure that likely resonates with British mothers.
Despite increased awareness of pre- and postnatal mental health, most women still do not seek help. A separate survey revealed that 81% of mothers reported experiencing a mental health problem. The reasons are complex: a perfect storm of biological, physical, psychological, and social changes makes some struggle almost inevitable. Yet the silence persists, driven by a culture where being 'fine' and 'getting on with things' are badges of honour.
For mothers, the stigma is compounded by fear of what happens if they admit they are not coping. The myth of the perfect parent, dating back to psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott's 'good enough mother' concept in the 1950s, has only intensified. Modern parents feel pressured to cope while starting businesses, cooking organic meals, and maintaining fitness. This high-pressure environment, combined with a lack of community support, makes many believe their struggle is normal.
Even when mothers do speak up, accessing help can be difficult. The UK has guidelines for asking about mental health and programmes like specialist health visitors and the Perinatal Community Services Development Fund, but demand outstrips supply. Symptoms of mental health problems—lack of sleep, appetite, and libido—are also common in new motherhood, making them easy to miss. Harassed health professionals in understaffed services may not pick up on them.
Svanberg calls for a clear recognition across maternity, primary care, and mental health services that most women struggle when they become mothers. By tackling the isolated, high-pressure status of new parents and ensuring support is available from pregnancy onwards, women may feel less need to hide their difficulties.
