Emigrating to be with a partner sounds romantic, but what happens when the person is right and the place is very wrong? For some, the dream turns into a nightmare of isolation, cultural clashes, and relationship strain.
One Australian man met his Swiss wife in Queensland in 2001. After their first son, she wanted to be near her family in Bern. He was up for the move, but Switzerland didn’t work out. ‘I was finishing my PhD on Australian wildfires with 25cm of snow outside. From 40 job applications, I got maybe two interviews. It was demoralising.’ They returned to Australia, where he loved life, but his wife was unhappy. After three years, he got a job in Zurich. ‘The thought struck me like a lightning bolt: Holy fuck… now what?’ They moved, and he struggled with the closed-off culture and harsh winters. The couple are now separated.
Another woman moved from Argentina to London at 26 and stayed 15 years. In 2016, she got together with a Spanish partner who had three children. When she became pregnant, they moved to a rural area near Granada. ‘Our mistake was buying a house in a rural area. We have three neighbours, whom I hardly ever see. After 15 years in a city, it’s very isolating.’ She hoped to meet other mothers but found they depend on family. ‘My English friends say, “How can you complain about Spain?” But living here is not like being on holiday.’
A third expat, a British woman, moved to Spain for love but found the reality tough. ‘After 360 days of sun and five months of minimum temperatures, it’s not all paradise.’ She misses the social life and ease of the UK. ‘I thought, what the hell have I done?’
Experts say such regrets are common. ‘Moving for love puts immense pressure on the relationship,’ says relationship counsellor Dr. Jane Smith. ‘The partner who moved often feels they sacrificed everything, while the other may not understand their unhappiness.’
