A new parenting approach known as 'F*** Around and Find Out' (FAFO) is gaining traction online, as some parents reject the permissive 'gentle parenting' style for a tougher, consequence-based method. The trend involves parents warning children of real-world outcomes and then allowing them to face the consequences if they ignore the warnings.
Examples cited by the Wall Street Journal include letting a child walk home in the rain without a jacket, making them wait until breakfast if they refuse dinner, or discarding a toy left on the floor. The approach has sparked debate among psychologists about its long-term effects on children's mental health.
Dr. Terri Mortensen, a parent coach in Florida, supports the method, arguing that overly protective parenting undermines children's confidence and resilience. 'When we protect kids from everything, they struggle with confidence and resilience,' she told The Independent. She believes FAFO can be applied from toddlerhood, as long as consequences are safe and natural.
However, Dr. Ross Greene, a child psychologist in Maine, strongly opposes the trend. He argues that adult-imposed consequences rarely address the root causes of behaviour and that parents should instead collaborate with children to solve underlying problems. 'I don't help adults make more consequences. I help adults solve problems with kids,' he said.
Greene, who developed the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model, warns that struggles like refusing chores or excessive screen time are signs of unsolved problems, not issues that punishment can fix. He criticises the tendency to escalate from natural consequences to punishments like time-outs, which he says are ineffective for many children.
Despite their differences, both psychologists agree that parenting should be intentional. Mortensen views FAFO as a 'spicier' version of authoritative parenting, while Greene calls for active problem-solving rather than passive consequence imposition.
