If you believe that constantly reminding your partner to change is helping him evolve, a leading relationship coach has a stark warning: you are likely doing more damage than good.
The Perils of Project Management in Love
Louanne Ward, a professional matchmaker and relationship coach from Western Australia, has identified nagging as one of the top complaints from men. In a candid Facebook post that resonated with thousands, she explained that attempts to 'improve' a man are often perceived as a message that he is fundamentally not good enough.
"You cannot nag a man into being better," Ward stated emphatically. She dismantled the idea of treating a partner like a renovation project, asserting, "He is not your fixer-upper. He is not a work assignment you can optimise with the right systems and enough supervision." Her advice is blunt: "He's either the man you want right now, today, or he's not."
Killing Passion, Not Inspiring Growth
Drawing from her own professional experience, Ward said she has observed women waste years trying to "motivate, mould, inspire, teach, coach and develop" a man into an idealised version of what he "could be".
However, this behaviour is counterproductive. "But whenever you do this, you're not motivating him," she warned. "You're killing his passion for growth, independence, leadership and FOR YOU." Ward believes that genuine development must be self-driven. "A man who wants to grow will grow. On his own timeline. In his own way. Without your project management."
She elaborated that a man serious about personal growth does not require a woman to "remind him, redirect him or restructure his life". The motivation must be internal. "He does it because he wants to," she explained.
Stop Dating 'Potential' and Start Accepting Reality
The core problem, according to Ward, arises when one partner demands change at their own pace and to their own standards. "If you need him to change, improve or evolve at your pace, in your way, to meet your standards, you're not building him up. You're breaking him down," she said. This daily critique tells a man that "who he is right now isn't enough. Will never be enough."
Her most crucial piece of advice is to stop dating for "potential". "Potential is not a relationship," Ward said bluntly. "It's a fantasy you're funding with your hope and exhausting yourself trying to turn into reality." She urges women to trust their observations over their imagination: "If he's not the man you need right now, believe what you're seeing. Not what you're imagining he could become if you just pushed harder, loved better or managed smarter."
In conclusion, Ward offered a powerful reminder for both parties: "You deserve a partner, not a project. And he deserves a woman who accepts him as he is."
The post received widespread support online. One man commented, "I'm impressed, you're spot on." Another user highlighted the importance of mutual growth, stating, "When a woman HERSELF is doing the work it inspires a man." Others agreed that acceptance is key to a healthy relationship, with one person noting, "You either accept someone for who they are, or you don't."
