As the year draws to a close, many of us find ourselves caught between obligatory office parties or, for the self-employed, a quiet roll from one year into the next without ceremony. This common experience prompted one freelance writer and two friends, three years ago, to create their own solution: a dedicated end-of-year lunch. This simple act has blossomed into a cherished annual ritual, a beacon in the calendar that feels both special and memorable.
The Transformative Power of Intentional Rituals
This experience taps into the profound power of ritual, according to Erin Coupe, a transformation coach and author of I Can Fit That In: How Rituals Transform Your Life. She defines rituals as "intentional, rhythmic choices" designed to infuse our lives with energy, presence, and meaning. While the turn of the year is a traditional time for reflection, Coupe argues that rituals aren't just for special occasions—they can fundamentally elevate our everyday existence.
The key distinction lies in intention. Unlike routines, which can feel obligatory and mindless, a ritual is something you purposely choose because it "fills you up" and stirs something within you. This also sets it apart from commercialised versions of self-care that simply require spending money. True ritual is about seeking meaning, not materialism.
Crafting Your Own Meaningful Traditions
There is significant scope to create personal traditions that resonate. Rituals can be annual, seasonal, or much more frequent. Coupe's own family, for instance, has replaced holiday gift exchanges with a January holiday, making the shared experience itself the ritual. The principle applies equally to smaller commitments, like a monthly meal or a weekly call with a friend. By enshrining these as rituals, they gain meaning and are more likely to be prioritised. "There's a cadence to it. It's something you look forward to," Coupe explains.
She also suggests moving beyond traditional New Year's resolutions. Instead, she chooses a single guiding word for the year—such as 'abundance' or 'peace'—and displays it prominently at home. This approach feels "less daunting" and focuses on smaller, immediate opportunities for change. Coupe conducts an annual work review, assessing what served her, what didn't, and what she wants more of, warning that without such check-ins, we risk spending the year "just going through the motions."
From Daily Grind to Grounded Presence
Fundamental to this process is self-awareness. "You have to be clear on what fills you up and what drains you," Coupe states. She recommends making self-reflection a ritual in itself, through journaling, meditation, or a regular walk without distractions. This awareness is not about self-criticism but understanding your own thoughts and limiting beliefs.
When Coupe was juggling a stressful corporate job with two young children, she began waking at 5:15am for 45 minutes of solitude. "That was my time," she says. This deliberate ritual improved her resilience, mood, and patience because she was "fueling something within." The lesson is to be deliberate about where you spend energy. Saying no to some invitations, for example, can increase anticipation and enjoyment for the events you do attend.
Removing activities done purely from obligation or habit creates space for more restorative ones. Coupe realised her habitual post-work glass of wine was a drain, not a boost, because it lacked intention. By contrast, small, deliberate actions can be elevated into meaningful rituals. Setting an intention while making morning tea, or reframing bed-making as an act of creating calm, can transform monotony into mindfulness.
Rituals are also powerful tools for marking transitions, like the end of the workday. For homeworkers, this could be closing the laptop and clearing the desk. Coupe suggests a weekly planning session on Sundays to note potential stressors, or a winding-down bath with a book before bed.
Ultimately, embracing rituals is about easing the daily grind and centring meaning and connection. The freelance writer found that introducing simple rituals made avoided tasks like chores or breaks more appealing when reframed as a deliberate choice. Inspired, she now seeks more opportunities for ritual, especially those that foster connection with others. The end-of-year lunch was so successful that the friends agreed to meet again sooner. As Coupe's book title suggests, you can fit that in—and it might just transform your outlook.
