Kristi Ambrose experienced a typical childhood in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, surrounded by loving parents, active participation on the soccer team, and countless hours spent playing outdoors. Her passion for sports naturally led to a tomboyish demeanour, often requiring persuasion from her mother to embrace more feminine attire and hairstyles like perms. Like many teenagers, Kristi viewed this as ordinary parental friction, a common phase of growing up.
A Life-Altering Discovery
At the age of nineteen, however, Kristi's understanding of her past was utterly transformed. Now identifying as Jim at fifty, he learned a profound secret his family had concealed: he was born intersex, possessing XY chromosomes. Following medical advice, he underwent surgery as an infant to alter his genitals to appear female. This revelation emerged during his freshman year at college in 1995, while enrolled in a feminist studies course.
The Moment of Realisation
In Channel 4's documentary The Secret of Me, airing tonight at 10pm, Jim recounts the pivotal classroom experience. "I was taking this feminist studies course," he explained. "They had given us a selection to read from this book but I hadn't done the reading. The tables were all in a circle because the professor wanted us to be looking at each other when we talked."
"I just started looking around. You could see people were shaking their heads in disbelief or disgust, and I thought, oh this has to be good, what is this. I started flipping through the book and I started reading about how some children are born with genitals that fall outside an arbitrary acceptable norm. It's measured, you know, this length, you get to be a boy, this less than that, you get to be a girl."
The text described how such children might lose their phallus and be raised as girls, with decisions made by parents and doctors. "People are just sort of 'my god I can't believe this happens regularly... they just mutilate babies?'" Jim recalled. In that instant, he realised "this was about me."
Confronting the Truth
Immediately, Jim visited a doctor's office to obtain his medical records, opening them hastily in his car. "I start at the top and immediately it says 'carrier type, XY'. And I'm like, wait, what the f**k is that... why are they running chromosome tests on me," he shared. He then understood that his genitals had been surgically crafted to present as a vulva, enabling his parents to take him home comfortably.
Expressing deep frustration, Jim questioned his family's silence. "Why didn't you tell me this? I had to find out on my own? In my car? With nobody to talk to?" Archive recordings feature his parents, Alice and John, admitting they believed they were acting in his best interests.
Medical Justifications and Personal Anguish
Jim connected years of bullying, constant comparisons to other girls, and feelings of alienation to these concealed truths, which caused "so much unnecessary suffering." The documentary includes insights from Dr Richard Carter, the retired urologist who performed the surgery. "I was called to the woman's hospital to see an infant that had ambiguous genitalia," Dr Carter stated. "Ambiguous genitalia is a condition where you're really not sure whether, when looking at the genitalia, you're looking at a male or a female."
He explained that in 1976, the medical consensus favoured surgical construction based on likely appearance. "This was strictly an anatomical decision because it was so much easier to make it look like a clitoris than trying to make it look like a penis."
A Heartbreaking Childhood Memory
Jim also revealed a poignant moment from his youth, around age twelve, when his mother informed him of an impending vaginoplasty. "My mom took me into her bedroom... She was sitting next to me, and she said, soon you're going to have to start taking these pills that are going to help you grow and develop breasts, and make you look like other girls," he recounted.
"One day later on, you're going to have to have a surgery... and finally she said 'but you'll never be able to have children of your own'. That's when she gets choked up, she breaks down and starts crying and I'm caring for her, I'm telling her 'it's OK mom'..."
Understanding Intersex Identity
Intersex refers to variations in reproductive or sexual anatomy that do not align strictly with typical definitions of female or male. While doctors often assign a legal sex at birth, this may not correspond to an individual's later gender identity. Importantly, being intersex is a natural human variation, not a medical issue, meaning interventions like surgeries or hormone therapies are frequently unnecessary for children.
Navigating Adolescence and Transition
Jim's teenage years were marked by discomfort. Prescribed oestrogen, he felt unenthusiastic about breast development and unhappy with bodily changes. After discovering the truth at nineteen, he ceased hormone treatment for several years. However, doctors, observing deteriorating bone density, insisted he resume oestrogen or switch to testosterone.
Opting for testosterone, despite initial hesitation, Jim gradually felt happier, more content, and "comfortable in his own skin." He later underwent a double mastectomy and removal of the vaginoplasty, aiming to "decolonise my body as much as I was able to."
Advocacy and Cultural Reflection
Jim has dedicated much of his life to intersex activism, opposing non-consensual procedures on infants that remove bodily autonomy. Speaking to the Big Issue last year, he emphasised, "My belief is that children's bodies are their own at any age. If a 12-year-old kid says they want this and they are this and they want this body, that kid requires care, love, compassion, understanding and someone listening."
Over time, Jim has come to understand that parents permitting such surgeries likely do not intend harm. "These parents don't sign up to harm children," he noted. "It's a cultural belief that genitals must look this way and therefore must reinforce the fiction that genitals come in two sets. Once you realise that what you're working against is cultural, generational and entirely human, then you're like: 'Oh, s**t. That's what we've been working against.'"
He reflected, "No wonder that person stared at me like I had three heads. It's not that this person wants to harm babies. It's because it's an entire cultural belief that bodies are supposed to look one of two ways. I used to think about it as a sprint, but it's a multigenerational marathon. A cultural change has to happen."
Finding Community and Peace
Recently, Jim has stepped back from activism due to burnout but acknowledges the vital support found in fellow campaigners. This community, along with his partner Yvonne, has enabled him to live a fulfilling life. "I had found that community that saved me," he shared. "If I'd have had to go back to Baton Rouge and stay there the rest of my life, it would have broken me. I have no expectation that I would have been alive."
Documentary Conclusion and Global Context
The documentary concludes by highlighting that approximately 1 in 2,000 babies are born with genital differences potentially leading to surgical intervention. So-called "corrective" surgeries on intersex children persist in many countries worldwide, often accompanied by deception about their bodies. Intersex activists continue campaigning against medically unnecessary procedures on children.
The Secret of Me airs on Channel 4 at 10pm on January 20, offering a profound exploration of identity, medical ethics, and personal resilience.
