Navigating the Challenges of Ageing: Insights from Psychologist Frank Tallis
As global life expectancy reaches unprecedented heights, with the over-80s becoming the fastest-growing demographic, society faces profound questions about ageing. While much public discourse focuses on the strain this places on healthcare systems and younger generations, clinical psychologist Frank Tallis argues in his new book, Wise, that a critical aspect remains overlooked: how to age well, not just physically but mentally.
The Midlife Hinge Point and Its Psychological Impact
Historically, midlife has served as a pivotal moment where existential questions emerge. Often occurring in one's 40s, this period can bring symptoms ranging from mild memory lapses to severe psychological distress, a phenomenon termed "the midlife crisis" by Canadian psychoanalyst Elliott Jaques in the 1960s. Tallis contends that this crisis is far from a comedic trope; it is a genuine tragedy for many. With longer lifespans and an intense cultural pursuit of youth, managing this midpoint and the subsequent decades becomes increasingly urgent.
Tallis embarked on a historical exploration, drawing from Stoicism, Dante, Freud, and contemporary neuroscience. He discovered a "remarkable degree of convergence" among these diverse thinkers: divisions within the mind correlate with poor psychological adjustment. As outward-facing ambitions of youth give way to the uncertainties of later life, mortality becomes harder to ignore through ageing bodies, parental loss, or illness. Everyone, Tallis writes, requires methods of "terror management," but problems arise when these strategies are inadequate or when unresolved issues from youth surface.
Cultural Delusions and the Path to Acceptance
Western societies often treat ageing and death as solvable problems, a perspective Tallis labels delusional and narcissistic. This mindset fuels "immortality projects" like cryogenics or excessive plastic surgery. In a striking analogy, he suggests climate crisis denial mirrors "the denial of death on an apocalyptic scale." Acceptance of ageing is not defeatism but the first step toward healthy development. It involves working constructively with reality, acknowledging limitations, and embracing change.
Middle age can bring rigidities that hinder openness, yet Tallis emphasises that clinging to outdated ways is counterproductive. "Adjustments must be made," he writes, "or you will find yourself living a life that doesn't match the reality of your physical condition and circumstance." Existential discomfort is normal, and rather than rushing to fix it, he recommends listening, waiting, and being open to "calling experiences" from the unconscious—subtle emotional shifts that guide personal growth.
The Role of the Unconscious and Modern Distractions
Tallis identifies the primary task of later life as integrating outer and inner selves to achieve wholeness and resilience. However, modern life presents significant obstacles. With declining religious belief, people have less support for this inner exploration, and pervasive loneliness exacerbates the challenge. Moreover, constant distractions, particularly from smartphones, erode the quiet moments essential for processing life and fostering self-unity.
"When someone has a spare 30 seconds, they will reach for their smartphone," Tallis observes. This reduction in reflective time is linked to rising mental health issues and sleep problems. If emotions aren't processed during the day, they often surface at night, leading to turmoil. For the first time, he warns, "it is possible to be so distracted that you are in danger of missing your own life."
AI, Gut Feelings, and the Risk of Outsourcing
The rise of artificial intelligence introduces new complexities. While AI excels at processing vast information through ultra-rational means, it lacks the human capacity for gut feelings—intuitive insights derived from unconscious processing. Tallis cautions against conflating AI with the unconscious, noting the temptation to outsource essential emotional work to chatbots. This risk is not theoretical; incidents involving AI responses to vulnerable individuals highlight potential dangers, such as fuelling delusions or failing to recognise suicidal cues.
Tallis draws from personal experience, recalling his teenage fascination with a guru in the 1970s. While he acknowledges the value of spirituality, this period taught him scepticism towards easy influences in today's superficial culture. He references Carl Jung's concept of "individuation"—achieving authenticity by attending to neglected aspects of oneself, such as feelings or intuitions. For Tallis, this meant pursuing fiction writing later in life, a passion he had long suppressed.
Practical Steps for Ageing Well
Avoiding prescriptive "top 10 tips," Tallis emphasises personalised approaches. However, he suggests general strategies to enhance self-awareness: loosening old patterns through new experiences, practising mindfulness, and paying attention to unconscious signals in dreams or arguments. Intimate relationships, he notes, can be particularly revelatory, offering insights into deeper emotions.
Respecting biological rhythms, confronting thoughts of death, and cultivating spirituality—whether through nature, art, or music—are also key. Ultimately, Tallis advocates for connection with others and the world, echoing the timeless wisdom of integrating inner and outer lives to navigate ageing with purpose and resilience.
