In an era where quick fixes and digital 'undo' buttons dominate our thinking, one of Britain's foremost psychotherapists delivers a powerful counter-message: true healing requires sitting with the very emotions we most want to avoid.
Julia Samuel, a veteran grief counsellor and bestselling author, argues that our cultural obsession with moving forward quickly often prevents the deep emotional work necessary for authentic recovery.
The Myth of the Quick Fix
"We live in a culture that says, 'Get over it, move on, be positive,'" Samuel explains. "But grief and rage don't work like that. You can't just press command-Z on your life and expect to heal."
This resistance to difficult emotions, she suggests, creates what she calls "stuckness"—a state where people remain trapped in their pain because they haven't allowed themselves to fully experience it.
The Essential Process of Emotional Honesty
Samuel identifies several key reasons why embracing difficult emotions is crucial:
- Grief demands to be felt: Unprocessed sorrow doesn't disappear—it manifests in other ways, including physical symptoms and relationship difficulties
- Rage contains important information: Anger often signals boundary violations or unmet needs that require attention
- Emotional avoidance prolongs suffering: The energy spent suppressing emotions could be used for genuine healing
Practical Steps for Emotional Courage
Rather than offering simplistic solutions, Samuel provides a framework for constructive emotional engagement:
- Name the emotion: Precisely identify what you're feeling without judgment
- Create safe containers: Designate specific times and places to process difficult feelings
- Use physical expression: Channel emotions through movement, art, or writing
- Seek professional support: Therapists can provide the tools and safety needed for deep emotional work
The Path to Genuine Forward Movement
Samuel's approach represents a radical departure from quick-fix mental health trends. "The way out is through," she insists. "By allowing ourselves to feel the full weight of our grief and rage, we paradoxically find the freedom to move forward authentically."
This process isn't about wallowing in misery, but about giving difficult emotions the space and attention they require to transform. The result isn't just recovery, but genuine growth and increased emotional resilience for future challenges.
