In an exclusive piece of advice, renowned agony aunt Coleen Nolan has addressed a reader's heartfelt concern about how to best support a best friend who has finally ended a toxic engagement.
The Reader's Dilemma: A Friend in Need
A concerned woman wrote to Coleen Nolan's column on the 17th of January 2026, seeking guidance for a delicate situation. Her best friend has finally broken off her engagement to a fiancé described as "awful".
This decisive action follows several previous attempts to leave the relationship, which always resulted in her returning. However, calling off the wedding and informing her family signifies a more serious step this time. The reader believes her friend realised it was "now or never", particularly as financial commitments for the wedding venue were looming.
The Underlying Fears and Challenges
Despite this strength, the friend is not in a good place emotionally. She had invested heavily in trying to make the relationship work with a partner who, by all accounts, did not deserve it. He cheated on her twice and was universally disliked by her social circle for his self-centred behaviour.
A significant fear driving the friend's anxiety is the prospect of being 35 and single, compounded by a strong desire to start a family. This terror, alongside the fact that most of her friends are in settled relationships with children, creates immense pressure that could lead her to cave and return to her ex-fiancé.
Coleen Nolan's Empathetic Guidance
In her response, Coleen Nolan draws from personal experience, recalling the invaluable support she received from her own best friend during the breakdown of her first marriage. Her core advice is strikingly clear: "I don't think there's anything you can say."
Instead of applying pressure or badmouthing the ex-partner, Nolan advocates for being a constant, non-judgemental presence. She emphasises that the friend must reach her own conclusion, not act out of fear of alienating her support network.
"Her attitude was always, 'If you're happy, I'm happy'. And when I left again, hers was the shoulder I cried on," Nolan recalls of her own friend's steadfast support, which ultimately gave her the foundation to leave for good after two years of turmoil.
The Key Principles for Support
Coleen's advice centres on several key principles for being an effective supporter:
- Withhold judgement: Avoid criticising the ex or expressing frustration if there is a relapse.
- Offer unconditional support: Be the shoulder to cry on, regardless of the decisions made.
- Boost confidence: Focus on building your friend's self-esteem so she feels strong enough to choose what is best for her.
- Exercise patience: Understand that leaving a toxic relationship is a process that may involve several attempts.
Nolan concludes that, unless the relationship is abusive, the role of a best friend is to support whatever decision is made while quietly helping to rebuild the friend's sense of self-worth. This approach, she states, is what cemented her lifelong friendship with her own supportive confidante.
