Singer and actress Ashley French, known professionally as Ashley Tisdale, has sparked a vital conversation after bravely detailing her decision to leave a 'toxic' mum friendship group. Her candid account, published in an article for The Cut titled 'Breaking Up With My Toxic Mom Group', has resonated deeply with parents across the UK and beyond.
From 'Finding a Village' to Feeling Frozen Out
In her widely shared piece, the mother of two, Jupiter Iris and Emerson Clover French, described initially believing she had found her supportive 'village'. However, over time, she began to feel excluded, noticing she was left out of group gatherings. "I was starting to feel frozen out of the group and notice every way that they seemed to exclude me," she wrote.
The former High School Musical star ultimately confronted the dynamic, sending a decisive text to the group chat: "This is too high school for me and I don’t want to take part in it anymore." Her experience is far from isolated, according to experts.
Dr Joy Conlon, a registered psychotherapist at Coyne Medical, explains that this scenario is extremely common, particularly among first-time mothers. "A lot of first-time mums feel like they are in survival mode and feel pretty vulnerable," says Conlon. "They are often no longer working every day so aren’t getting validation from colleagues, so there’s this identity shift."
She notes that while these groups often begin as an idealised support network, they can sometimes devolve into unhealthy environments. Recognising the signs is the first step towards protecting your wellbeing.
Five Key Signs of a Toxic Mum Group
1. The Group Chat Triggers Anxiety
Toxicity often registers emotionally before we can pinpoint it behaviourally. A key indicator is feeling a sense of dread or anxiety when a notification from the group appears, or hesitating before opening the chat. "If a group leaves you feeling smaller, more anxious and less confident, that could be a sign that maybe they’re just not your tribe," advises Dr Conlon.
2. It No Longer Feels Like a Safe Space
Do you find yourself heavily editing your messages or filtering your opinions in person, constantly worrying about how they will be received? This feeling of being judged and unable to be your authentic self is a clear signal that the group may have become a toxic environment for you.
3. Passive-Aggressive Behaviour is Rife
This can be subtle but corrosive. You might notice certain parenting choices are lavishly praised while others are quietly ignored or criticised. These undercurrents of passive aggression can steadily chip away at your confidence and sense of belonging.
4. Interactions Leave You Drained
Reflect on how you feel after spending time with the group, either virtually or in person. Do you feel uplifted and supported, or emotionally depleted and questioning yourself? Healthy friendships should provide a non-judgemental space where you feel heard, not criticised.
5. It Feels Like Being Back in the School Playground
Many women report that toxic mum groups mirror painful school dynamics. There can be cliquey behaviour, 'leaders' dictating conversations, and the hurt of discovering you were excluded from a meet-up. A culture of toxic comparison, where an ideal of 'perfect' motherhood is portrayed, is a major red flag.
How to Navigate the Situation and Find Your True Tribe
If you recognise these signs, it's time to take action. Dr Conlon offers several practical strategies. First, identify and reach out individually to any more friendly, aligned members of the group to build one-to-one connections.
For digital peace, mute overwhelming WhatsApp chats and turn off read receipts to relieve the pressure to respond instantly. If a group feels truly unsafe, remember you have every right to leave it, with or without an explanation.
Seeking in-person community groups, such as local baby classes or parenting workshops, can foster richer, more supportive relationships. Finally, look for validation and advice from trusted family, friends, healthcare professionals, or parenting books, rather than relying solely on the volatile opinions of an online group.
Ashley Tisdale's story underscores a crucial message for parents everywhere: the right support network should empower you, not diminish you. Prioritising your mental health and seeking out genuinely nurturing friendships is not just advisable—it's essential.
