Former High School Musical star Ashley Tisdale, now known as Ashley French, has opened up about her experience of leaving a 'toxic' mum friendship group. In an article published on The Cut, the mother-of-two wrote that she felt 'frozen out' and eventually told the group: 'This is too high school for me and I don’t want to take part in it anymore.'
Psychotherapist Dr Joy Conlon, of Coyne Medical, says such experiences are common, especially among first-time mums. 'A lot of first-time mums feel like they are in survival mode and feel pretty vulnerable,' she explains. 'Their nervous system is activated as they’re not sure what they’re doing.'
Dr Conlon identifies five key signs that a mum group may have become toxic. The first is feeling anxious when a message appears in the group chat. 'If a group leaves you feeling smaller, more anxious and less confident, that could be a sign that maybe they’re just not your tribe,' she says.
A second sign is feeling judged or editing what you share. 'If you feel like you can’t be yourself, this could indicate that it doesn’t feel like a safe place anymore,' says Dr Conlon. Third, passive-aggressive behaviour can chip away at confidence, such as certain parenting choices being subtly praised while others are ignored or criticised.
Other warning signs include feeling left out, for example discovering that some group members met without inviting you, and a constant sense of toxic comparison. Dr Conlon advises after an interaction to ask yourself: 'Did I leave feeling lifted, or did I leave feeling drained?'
True friendships, she says, should provide a non-judgemental, supportive space. 'If you are in a good friendship, you will feel safe to share what’s going well and what you’re struggling with without feeling judged.'
