Former rugby star James Haskell, 41, recently disclosed on Celebs Go Dating that he identifies as 'probably a sapiosexual.' In an interview with the Daily Star, Haskell explained: 'It's all about someone's brain. I like people who can challenge me, who have something about them.' He emphasized that intelligence and confidence are the two traits he finds most attractive in a partner, despite joking that he's 'not the sharpest tool in the box.'
What Is Sapiosexuality?
Sapiosexuality, also known as sapiophilia, refers to being sexually or romantically attracted to intelligent people. While some consider it their primary orientation, others view it as a preference, using it alongside labels like gay, straight, or bisexual. Psychologist Dr. Candice O'Neil, founder of Ontic Psychology, told Metro: 'Sapiosexual people often seek shared curiosity, philosophical debate and deep values in partners who are curious about the world and themselves.' She notes that 'highly intelligent and worldly individuals' are most likely to identify this way, as they prioritize 'cognitive attunement, intentionality and thoughtful engagement with the world and their relationships.'
Criticism and Nuances
Because intelligence is subjective, sapiosexuality can manifest differently—from valuing scintillating conversation to only dating people with PhDs. The latter approach has drawn criticism as 'elitist,' with some accusing sapiosexuals of using the term to foster superiority. Dr. O'Neil warns that identifying as sapiosexual may 'lead to unintended pressure to be highly engaged in deep dialogue, sharp wit and ready for mentally stimulating conversations.' However, she also highlights benefits: it can 'reduce pressure to conform to physical ideals or satisfy imagined physical desires in a relationship' and 'create a solid foundation of meaning, purpose, discovery and fulfilment.' She adds, 'It's about craving a deep connection that begins in the mind. As psychologists, we know that mental stimulation plays a key role in long-term relationship satisfaction and fosters stronger emotional connections over time.'
Sapiosexual vs. Demisexual
Sapiosexuality and demisexuality are often confused because both focus on non-physical aspects of desire. However, sapiosexuals are primarily aroused by wit and knowledge, while demisexuals need an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction. It's possible to identify with both, and either can overlap with other LGBTQ+ orientations. Kathleen Clark, chief learning officer at Identiversity, previously told PsychCentral that definitions for these identities 'shift over time' and 'can also differ somewhat from one individual to the next.'
