Sir Ian Rankin, the multi-award-winning author of the Rebus novels, has expressed regret over the cost of his creative drive on family life. In a recent podcast, he said, 'I do feel I’ve wasted my life, really, living in a world of fictional characters.' He added that he has no memory of 'big moments' such as holidays and his children's first days at school because his mind was elsewhere.
Rankin's candour reflects a broader issue. A survey by Working Families charity found that 74% of fathers wish to parent equally, but 60% feel judged for prioritising family. Low uptake of paternity leave suggests stigma persists, rather than a lack of desire to spend time with children.
The tension between work and family is not solely financial. Actor Daniel Radcliffe recently admitted he could retire but chooses to work, saying, 'I love the jobs I get to do.' For mothers with creative ambitions, the conflict is even sharper. Artist Barbara Hepworth was vilified for balancing art and childcare, while graphic novelist Liana Finck noted that those immersed in care work rarely produce art reflecting that experience.
Yet some creators do draw from domestic life. Film-maker Mary Bronstein's recent film If I Had Legs I’d Kick You is based on caring for her sick daughter, and painter Caroline Walker's work captures early motherhood's messy mundanity. At a recent exhibition, a security guard was moved by a painting of a mother and child, recalling his own daughter's childhood.
Rankin's regrets, however, are not unique to gender or financial need. They underscore a universal truth: time is finite, and we want contradictory things from it. For many, the feeling of not parenting 'right' is inevitable. Rankin's honesty offers comfort to those grappling with similar choices.
