Louis de Bernières expresses his deep frustration with the prevalence of imprecise and redundant speech in Britain, drawing a parallel to the littering of junk food wrappers in the Norfolk countryside. He argues that both phenomena reflect a broader cultural decline.
The Littering Problem in Norfolk
Living in Norfolk, de Bernières is particularly irritated by the litter thrown from car windows outside his home, predominantly from junk food outlets. He questions whether junk food creates antisocial behavior or if antisocial individuals are drawn to it, suggesting a possible confluence of both factors. He proudly states he never eats junk food or litters, though he admits to other antisocial habits like flatulence.
Junk Speech and Its Origins
De Bernières traces his disdain for imprecise speech to his father, who rejected the transatlantic accent and slang of the 1960s and 1970s, such as 'cool' and 'groovy'. He credits his classical humanist education for teaching him proper sentence construction and coherent thought. He laments the loss of regional dialects, replaced by a generic Thames corridor accent with glottal stops, comparing it to invasive Himalayan balsam.
The 'Like' Epidemic
The author singles out the word 'like' as a particularly annoying filler, recalling an encounter with a sixth-form student who took five minutes to say a five-second statement due to excessive use of the word. He now finds Radio 4 unwatchable due to its adoption of younger speech patterns, feeling assaulted by 'like' as if by a stoned Barbary ape with a foam mallet.
Other Grammatical Fillers
Beyond 'like', de Bernières targets other fillers such as 'kind of', 'sort of', and 'stuff', calling them 'contentless blether'. He coins the term 'misosaskopeslexis' (hatred of pointless words) to describe his stance, humorously noting he invented the Greek-derived term himself.
Conclusion
De Bernières wonders if junk speech is connected to junk food consumption and rural littering, suggesting a broader societal issue. He calls for a return to precise language and respect for regional dialects, ending with a Norfolk dialect phrase: 'Oi'm a proper vexed bout thaht, bor.'
