A mother of a 70-year-old is torn over whether to reconnect with her son after enduring years of verbal abuse linked to his alcohol and ketamine addictions. He has now claimed to have found God and wants to meet for his birthday, but she remains deeply skeptical.
Background of Abuse
Over the past four years, the mother has been subjected to constant verbal abuse from her son, who blamed her for all his bad choices. She describes being his "emotional punchbag" and says he called her every name imaginable. After trying everything to help, she stepped back for her own mental health. Her daughter and most of his friends also cut ties, as he would demand money and become abusive when refused.
Current Situation
The son has now reached out, saying he has found God and is attending counselling and quitting drugs and alcohol. However, the mother says, "He’s lied so many times I can’t trust him, and I’m finding it hard to believe a word he’s saying." She lives a long drive away, has health problems, and has not received a proper apology. She asks: "Do you think I should go?"
Coleen's Advice
Coleen Nolan advises the mother to be honest: "If you don’t feel ready to meet, that’s what you should tell him." She suggests saying, "I’m really glad you’re starting to sort your life out and, if it’s through finding faith, that’s great, but I still have scars from what we’ve been through and don’t feel ready."
Coleen shares her own experience with her son Shane, who went to rehab. "It takes a lot of time for you to rebuild trust because addicts become so adept at lying," she says. She recalls feeling guilty for doubting Shane despite his progress. "What you’re feeling is tenfold and you mustn’t allow your son to make you feel guilty for protecting yourself."
Moving Forward
Coleen emphasizes that if the son genuinely wants to make amends, he will accept her boundaries and keep proving he has changed. She also suggests he should come to her or meet halfway on neutral ground, rather than her making the long drive alone.
