If you have a problem that needs solving and you don't know where to turn, look no further. Every day, the Daily Star's very own agony aunt Jane O'Gorman is on hand to tackle your issues and concerns with some straight-talking but sound advice. From bedroom confessions to self-confidence issues, drug use and everything else, Jane has helped thousands of Daily Star readers over the years and isn't slowing down.
If you want help, you can write to Just Jane, Daily Star, One Canada Square, London, E145AP or email jane.ogorman@reachplc.com. Please note that Jane cannot respond to individual letters and not all problems will be published.
Human Sandwich
I'm desperate to romp with the sexy, young folks next door. How should I approach them? She could be a model and he's an Adonis. They're super friendly in the street, but when they go up to bed at 8pm, and make out, boy do I know about it. Our party wall shakes and their screams are off the scale. Hearing them cavort is such a turn on for me – and I've become addicted to listening in…
My partner and I live on a new housing estate where the walls are thin. He often works away and I find myself randy and alone. I've got myself into the habit of going up to bed when they do and simply tuning into their action. They clearly like sex toys and role play because they talk as they play and most of the stuff they come out with is X-rated. The other night they were playing 'stripper and customer'. I felt as I was in the room with them. I want a slice of their action. I want to be in there, for real, in a human sandwich. Is that wicked?
The problem is that my own sex life now seems boring and mundane in comparison. Before they moved in, I thought that my partner and I were okay, but now I hear what they get up to I feel shortchanged and let down. Obviously, I can't breathe a word of this to my partner because he'd be horrified and upset. How have I turned into this saddo? Recently my bloke has complained that I'm distracted and 'away with the fairies'. He says it's unreasonable of me to expect a lot of sex when he's so knackered after long shifts. But I'm very sexed up, a lot of the time, and crave release.
JANE SAYS:
Leave your neighbours to enjoy their lives while you crack on with living yours. Don't even think about approaching them or you'll freak them out too. You don't need me to tell you that listening into your neighbours has become an unhealthy habit. I appreciate that you get frustrated with your chap out at work, but you've just got to work out what is best for you. I always worry about any form of obsessive behaviour, because it's not desirable and doesn't bring peace of mind.
You've got to give yourself a stern talking to; fill your time more productively and show your neighbours due respect. From what you say, they're not a nuisance, they're simply doing what comes naturally and having fun. I think it's reasonable of them to go up to bed at 8pm but you don't have to too… What about seeing friends or family; taking up an interest or helping with a local charity? If you've got time and energy on your side, then vow to be more productive.
On a practical level, if the sound proofing in your home is bad then what can be done to improve it? Can you put up some paneling or insulation or a shelving unit? Could you move your bed around or sleep in another room? What are the options? As for your partner; make a point of talking about sex, like adults. Work out when it suits you both best – and then make time for love when you're both feeling romantic and are relaxed.
Sing for Her Supper
My son's new girlfriend fancies becoming a professional singer. He claims she's very talented. Recently the whole family were at my place for a barbecue. I laid on all the nosh. Towards the end of the evening, she came up to me and coyly asked me to deposit £2,000 in her account for stage outfits and promotion. She'd heard I'd had a promotion at work. I'd had a few wines and laughed in her face. I suggested she give us a song, and I'd be the judge of her talent. With that my son let rip. He accused me of being rude and disrespectful. How does that work?
JANE SAYS:
Your son needs to have it pointed out that hard work has got you to where you are today and if anyone is going to have a lovely time and enjoy the odd £2,500 treat, then it's going to be you. How dare anyone eye up your cash? This woman can be anything she wants, but becoming a successful singer demands a huge amount of work plus natural talent. Her dream is not your problem. Don't allow anyone to take advantage of you or make you feel guilty for looking after number one. Your son needs to realise that the world of showbiz is a tough one and that he can't allow her to twist him around his little finger.
Fancy That
My husband ended a long-term affair in February. He's started a new job and is hitting the gym. He has declared that he wants us to resume our sex life. I can't think of anything worse. I don't know what to do anymore and the idea of getting naked in front of him and turning tricks freaks me out. We've become more like brother and sister. Imagining him with another woman has wiped any romantic notion out of my mind. The other night he asked me to perform an intimate act on him and I burst out laughing. I told him he must be joking. How do I make it clear that I'm not interested in sex?
JANE SAYS:
Sex is a natural expression of love and an important part of marriage. There's no denying that recent times have been tough for you. Your husband's affair hurt and humiliated you and I can see how difficult it must be to stop seeing him as a cheat and a liar and start viewing him as a lover again. Keep the lines of communication open and tell him exactly how you feel. What has he got to say for himself? Sadly, this battered marriage may not recover or have wings…
Icing on the Cake
A pushy neighbour has started asking me to buy food and pay bills for her. She's okay most of the time but can be sharp tongued if I catch her at the wrong moment. The other day she snapped at me for treating myself to some cream cakes when she's on a strict, no frills, budget. My daughter says I'm wrong to indulge her.
JANE SAYS:
Anything you do in this life must be on your terms. If this person is guilty of bringing you down, then do you want to continue to help her? Isn't there a possibility that you could get bogged down or taken advantage of? Suggest she speaks to social services about help and benefits she is entitled to. Don't feel guilty. She's not your responsibility.
