Sarah Lundy, 57, from Bolton, has shared the story of her husband Darren, who left their home on May 12, 2018, saying he was going out for milk and cigarettes and never returned. Three days later, he was found dead in his car in a hospital car park, having died by suicide.
Meeting and Diagnosis
Sarah met Darren in 2004 when both were in their thirties. They quickly bonded and began building a life together. Darren, from Wigan, already had two young children. Tragically, just six months after they met, Darren was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Determined not to let the disease define him, he continued working as a heating and ventilation engineer in schools and hospitals across the North West, rarely discussing his condition.
The couple later married and welcomed their son, Charlie. As the years passed, Darren's condition worsened, robbing him of mobility, independence, and confidence. He struggled to walk, lost fine motor skills, faced everyday difficulties, experienced short-term memory loss, and became increasingly isolated.
Impact of MS on Family Life
Sarah took on growing responsibilities, both financially and practically, supporting her husband and caring for their young family. She said: “When we met, Darren was funny, capable, hardworking and full of life. We genuinely believed we could face whatever Multiple Sclerosis threw at us because we faced everything together. Over time, though, the disease changed every aspect of our lives. The man who had always looked after everyone else gradually lost the ability to do so many of the things most people take for granted.”
She added: “Multiple Sclerosis doesn't just affect the person who is diagnosed, it affects relationships, finances, family life, mental health and the future you thought you were going to have. We were still each other's person and we still loved each other deeply, but our relationship changed. I became a carer as well as a wife, and that was incredibly difficult for both of us.”
The Final Days and Discovery
By 2017, Darren's physical health had deteriorated significantly, and he experienced serious mental health difficulties linked to the progression of his illness. Sarah spent months living with the constant fear that she might lose him as mental health crisis teams became involved in his care. When Darren appeared to improve, Sarah believed the family had weathered the worst. Instead, Darren had quietly made a different decision.
On the evening of May 12, 2018, he left home telling Sarah he was going out for milk and cigarettes and never returned. The following three days were filled with police involvement, desperate searches, and agonising uncertainty. Three days later, Darren was found dead in his car in a hospital car park. Sarah believes he went there because he did not want his family to be the ones who found him.
She said: “The days that Darren was missing were the most traumatic days of our lives. Every time the phone rang, my heart stopped, and every knock on the door filled us with dread. Part of me knew what had happened, but hope is an incredibly powerful thing. You convince yourself there must be another explanation and that somehow they're going to walk back through the front door. When he was found, everything changed forever. The hardest thing I have ever done was tell my nine-year-old son that his dad wasn't coming home.”
Life After Loss
Without life insurance and with a child depending on her, Sarah returned to work just four weeks after Darren's death. Only weeks later, she underwent surgery herself while still navigating the trauma of widowhood. She said: “People are incredibly kind when someone dies and I will always be grateful for that support. The reality, however, is that life naturally moves forward for everybody else while your grief comes with you into every new day. Many assume that because time has passed, you're okay. The truth is that widowhood changes you forever, and there are moments years later when you still need support, but people stop asking how you are because they think you've moved on.”
She emphasised: “Grief is often seen as the hardest part, but what nobody prepares you for is the moment everyone else's life starts returning to normal while yours never can. The cards stop arriving, the messages become less frequent, and the phone stops ringing, but you're still carrying the same loss every single day. That feeling of being forgotten is something so many widows and widowers experience, which is exactly why this campaign matters.”
Finding Support
Sarah credits The Widowed Collective for providing invaluable connection. She said: “The Widowed Collective has been invaluable because it connects you with people who genuinely understand widowhood. You don't have to explain yourself or justify your feelings because everyone there has experienced their own version of loss. That connection can be life-changing, particularly for people who feel isolated or forgotten. My advice to anyone facing widowhood is to reach out, even when every instinct tells you not to. Finding people who truly understand doesn't take away the pain, but it reminds you that you don't have to carry it alone.”
