After spending ten months in the presence of Lucy Letby, I still do not understand her. Britain's most prolific child killer does not fit the expected image. Social media photos show her enjoying nights out with friends, but in court she appeared feeble, clutching a pink scarf, her dyed blonde hair now natural brown.
The families of the murdered babies filled the public gallery, while across the aisle, most seats were empty. However, Letby's parents, Susan and John, attended daily, sometimes joined by one friend. From the press bench, just five metres away, I observed the nurse maintain a neutral expression throughout harrowing testimony, rarely showing emotion.
The first hint of emotion came in February when a doctor's voice, hidden behind screens, seemed to trigger feelings. Letby later admitted she 'loved him like a friend', and flirty texts suggested a deeper relationship. It was striking that she remained composed during evidence about babies' suffering but showed emotion over this doctor.
Other rare tears came during evidence about being taken off duty, when post-arrest interviews were read, and when suicidal thoughts were mentioned. Prosecutor Nick Johnson KC asked why she cried for herself but not for the dead children. Letby replied she had cried for some babies.
The trial progressed with dense medical evidence, but no insight into Letby's motives. Photos of her home showed clichéd quotes on walls, teddy bears, artificial flowers, and books including 'In Shock' and 'Never Greener'. The case opened with a green post-it note found after her arrest, but her personality remained an enigma.
