For many, the idea of starting over in midlife is a daunting prospect, filled with both hope and financial trepidation. This is the stark reality for a 55-year-old woman named Lina, who has bravely shared her story in a heartfelt letter to leading money educator Vanessa Stoykov.
A Marriage Reduced to Mere Coexistence
Lina describes a marriage that, for all intents and purposes, has already run its course. She and her husband continue to live under the same roof, but their relationship has deteriorated into a platonic cohabitation more akin to flatmates than a married couple. The emotional connection, warmth, and mutual interest have completely vanished.
With their children now grown and living independently, the couple is left alone with the hollow shell of their partnership. Lina confesses that she has wanted to leave for a long time but is paralysed by fear about what life would look like on the other side.
The Financial Fears Holding Her Back
The core of Lina's anxiety is deeply financial. She currently works part-time and knows that a separation would force her back into full-time employment to support herself. At 55 years old, the prospect of re-entering the workforce full-time feels overwhelming.
Their family home is almost mortgage-free, but a separation would almost certainly necessitate its sale, with the proceeds being split. The thought of entering the rental market at her age terrifies her, and she holds little hope of ever being able to buy a property on her own. After a lifetime of prioritising others, she now questions if she can even afford her own freedom, wondering if financial safety is a good enough reason to remain in an unfulfilling situation.
A Path Forward Through Financial Clarity
In her response, Vanessa Stoykov acknowledges the heavy burden of Lina's decision, which intertwines deep emotional fatigue with legitimate financial fears. She identifies that Lina is trying to make a monumental choice without a clear picture of the practical realities, which naturally leads the mind to imagine worst-case scenarios.
Stoykov's crucial advice is that the first step is not to decide whether to stay or go, but to gain absolute financial clarity. She validates Lina's concerns about work, housing, and assets but insists these become manageable once the true numbers are known.
The money educator strongly recommends consulting a financial adviser to understand the potential share of assets, realistic earning potential, and the true cost of living independently. This process is not about pushing for a particular outcome but about replacing fear with knowledge. Armed with this information, a person can make a decision from a place of confidence.
Stoykov concludes by offering hope, noting that many women discover they have more options than they thought. Some choose to prepare for a year, others decide to stay but with a new plan for independence. The message is clear: you are not trapped, you are just currently without the full information needed to move forward.
