Valtteri Bottas has revealed that serving as Lewis Hamilton's 'wingman' at Mercedes pushed him to the brink of depression and made him despise Formula One. The Finn, who spent five seasons as Hamilton's teammate, also opened up about his two-year struggle with an eating disorder.
Bottas wrote in the Players' Tribune that his 2017 promotion from Williams failed to deliver the success he anticipated. Despite starting the 2018 season believing he was the best driver on the grid, he did not secure a single race victory, having been forced to sacrifice multiple wins to assist Hamilton in beating Sebastian Vettel to the title.
'Do you know how badly I wanted to just say no? But I had to be a good teammate. I let him through, and of course he had an incredible season. He was the champion. I was the wingman,' Bottas said. 'To this day, I have complicated feelings about it. The whole situation almost made me walk away from the sport.'
Bottas also detailed his eating disorder, which began early in his F1 career. He described being 'completely consumed' by the problem, waking up at 4am due to starvation mode, and losing all joy. 'I remember my ex asking me if I ever worry when I'm in the car, because it's so dangerous. I said, No. If I die, I die,' he recalled.
After seeking help from a psychologist, Bottas recovered but spiralled again during the 2018 season. He considered retiring during the winter break before 2019 but changed his mindset after a long walk in the forest. He went on to win the season opener in Melbourne and secured 10 Grand Prix victories across five seasons at Mercedes.
Now racing for Cadillac, Bottas says he is the happiest and best driver he has ever been. 'Coming back to Melbourne for the opening race this season was the most special moment of my entire career,' he said. 'This is just the beginning of our journey and that's so exciting to me.'
