Understanding Conversational Narcissism: When Every Chat Becomes a Monologue
We all know that person who sees every conversation as an opportunity to talk endlessly about themselves. Sometimes, that person might even be us. This behaviour, known as conversational narcissism, was first identified by sociologist Charles Derber in 1979, during the attention-seeking culture of late-70s America.
What Is Conversational Narcissism?
Conversational narcissism involves continually shifting the focus of a dialogue back to oneself, often under the guise of a two-way exchange. It is not about never talking about yourself, but rather about dominating discussions to the exclusion of others. Dr Sue Varma, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University, explains that individuals engaging in this behaviour may do so out of insecurity or a lack of basic social skills, rather than pure self-absorption.
Signs and Impacts of This Social Habit
Key indicators include a "glazed look" that shows disinterest in what others are saying, as you wait for your turn to speak. This can make you appear draining, exhausting, and self-obsessed to your interlocutors. Despite being pervasive and sometimes commonplace, conversational narcissism is generally viewed negatively in social interactions.
Common Tactics and How to Avoid Them
One established tactic is "boomerasking," where you ask a question only to answer it yourself, like a boomerang returning. This is often seen as selfish and insincere. Instead, experts recommend genuinely listening to others and asking questions to engage with their responses, rather than steering conversations back to yourself.
Why It Matters in Modern Discourse
In today's fast-paced world, conversational narcissism has become a default mode for many, but it undermines meaningful communication. By recognising and addressing this habit, individuals can foster more balanced and respectful dialogues, improving social connections and reducing the perception of self-obsession.
