Noa-Lynn van Leuven has revealed that her ban from the Women's Series has stirred up painful childhood memories, but insists she is "not done" with darts.
The trailblazing Van Leuven is no longer eligible following rule changes introduced by the Darts Regulation Authority (DRA) earlier this month, which now stipulate that transgender women cannot take part in women's competitions.
The regulations were amended after the governing body carried out a review of its policy last year, commissioning a report from academic developmental biologist Dr Emma Hilton, whose findings concluded that "multiple, small-magnitude sex differences accumulate to generate male advantage over females in darts".
Van Leuven says the decision "changed everything" for her, and she only learned of the news via email just one day before it was made public.
"This one really sucks. And I truly still don't get it," Noa-Lynn van Leuven said. "It brings up childhood memories of people not accepting me for who I am or what I am. It happened in middle school. It happened at kindergarten. It happened. And it's just something that keeps coming back.
"It's been a rough couple of weeks. I'm not going to tell you it wasn't, but I guess every year has been like this. Every year something happens, and every time I crawl out of the big hole I get pushed in, I keep coming back."
"This one really sucks. And I truly still don't get it. I just don't believe darts really is a 'gender-affected sport' as they call it, especially with the points that they're coming up with. It feels like the decision is influenced by gender-critical perspectives, which I strongly disagree with."
"If you're a biological male, you should have advantages in being taller, having longer arms, whatever. But take a look at who has been taking every title in this game? Phil Taylor, (Luke) Littler now. Neither of them is above 180cm."
"So, I just don't get it. It changed everything for me, and I found out about it without any real warning, which made it even harder to process."
Her assertion that men lack a physical edge gained further weight when Beau Greaves triumphed at a Pro Tour event last month in Milton Keynes, becoming the first woman to claim a PDC Tour ranking title.
Van Leuven doesn't want to politicise the achievement and insists her fellow competitor deserves to revel in her "amazing" triumph. She has played alongside Greaves on the Women's Series since 2022, which provided her pathway to making history as the first trans player to reach the World Championship and Grand Slam of Darts.
Without a main PDC Tour card, she is now limited to second-tier Challenge Tour events or World Darts Federation competitions. The PDC, which organises the tournaments, must adhere to the DRA's regulations and has provided Van Leuven with counselling following the policy shift.
"I just want to try to enjoy the game again," she added. "I just want to improve myself this year and maybe hope I get a Tour card for next year. Hopefully, I can still find enough opportunities to do that."
"I'm not done with this game, but it still hurts, and all my goals for this whole year, they're gone, and there's not a lot of time left to get new big goals."
Van Leuven reckons the decision reflects how the trans community is currently being treated. "I'm not sure if it would actually help to fight it," she said. "You've got the court ruling on trans women not being women in the UK. If you take a look at America, trans rights are kind of gone everywhere, and it's only getting worse and worse. It's not easy to fight this at this moment."
"It's not only happening in sports, but also take women's restrooms. I don't know any trans woman who actually transitioned just to go to the women's room. They just want to be themselves. They just want to live their own lives. They're not scary, they're not angry human beings."
"I hear a lot of people talking really bad about trans people, like they're not even human beings, like they're some sort of object. But yeah, we're human beings. We also have feelings."
When approached by PA, the DRA emphasised that the decision wasn't made lightly and that it had sought comprehensive legal guidance before arriving at its conclusion. The Mirror has gone to the DRA for comment.
