There’s a great moment towards the end of the otherwise non-great Rocky III, when Clubber Lang is asked by a straw-hatted, bowtie-twirling US sports reporter for a prediction before his imminent title fight. There’s a pause as Clubber looks down, lets the mask of showmanship drop, and just says the word “pain”.
You can say that again. Let’s face it, this was always going to hurt, whichever way the latest note in the conjoined title‑relegation stagger fell. Just as it was always likely the destination of the Premier League title would come down to staring at a referee staring at a screen to decide the minutiae of an arm wrestle at a corner.
Careers, lives, hopes and hundreds of millions of pounds shall ride on the decoding of a raised forearm, on a review of a referral of a decision from Darren England, our Darren England (unless specifically stated otherwise: it is always Darren England) to Chris Kavanagh. As themes and imagery for the season go, this was perfect. Who writes your scripts? And is there any chance of maybe getting someone else in at any point?
So it came to pass, with 94 minutes gone at the London Stadium and Arsenal 1-0 up on West Ham, that this multibillion stage boiled down to a referee standing in front of a screen, hands stiff at his sides, like a man about to be executed by firing squad on a matter of noble principle.
The moment stretched out: 17 (count ’em) repetitions across two and a half minutes. Kavanagh unmoved and strangely tender in the middle of all that heat and noise. West Ham’s fans leaning across the advert boards in front of him. A gallery of players at his back. The ground suddenly hushed as he turned and said: “After review, West Ham’s No 19 commits a foul …” At which point the words disappeared into a rising roar. Previous title deciders had AGÜERO and “It’s up for grabs now.” Generation digital mess gets: “And my final decision is ...”
Nobody cared in the away end as Arsenal’s fans seethed and leapt and fell over one another. In that moment West Ham’s apparent equalising goal was cancelled. The final whistle left them in the bottom three with two games to play. Arsenal’s 1-0 victory means they must now beat Burnley at home and a Crystal Palace team in standby mode to win the title.
