Like so many people, Karen Ruimy’s work went online during the pandemic. A spiritual teacher for more than 30 years, she started to host more digital workshops, mostly attended by women. Within these spaces, she noticed something: where once women often stayed in unhappy marriages, more were starting to walk away.
“Covid gave us all a pause, the wheel of life stopped and something shifted as people saw things more clearly,” says Ruimy, 61, who is based between London and Marrakech. “Women in midlife particularly have begun to say ‘enough’. But while all the individual stories are painful, it’s about something much bigger. A profound shift of consciousness is beginning and women in particular are realising that there is another way to live.”
The rise of “walkaway wives” is backed by research. According to Stowe Family Law, around 63 per cent of divorce petitions have been filed by wives in recent years. A survey by NOON for Mishcon de Reya and Julius Baer International found that nearly 56 per cent of midlife women would end a marriage simply because they felt unhappy. Over half said there was no longer a stigma about getting divorced, and almost a third said they were happier than ever after separation.
Ruimy believes emotional factors are critical. “It’s a very specific point for many women,” she says. “Their children have grown and the day-to-day care demands are lessening. Menopause also means shifting into who we really are as women. A huge power comes with that and once women have grabbed that piece of themselves, they can’t go back because they know their marriage is not working anymore.”
A key factor is that marriage is in many ways “outdated”, says Ruimy. With life expectancy in the UK rising from 72 to 82 over the past 50 years, people are asking how they want to live the second half of their lives. “There is still a strong belief that men are the principal financial providers and women do the caring. But while this gives us a feeling of safety, it’s also a prison. So many marriages after 20 years are more about keeping things viable than enjoyable, and that doesn’t work for so many women anymore.”
