There are times — many times — during Prime Minister’s Questions when all you want to do is knock a few skulls together. Rid the place of party political point scoring and pointless bickering for the sake of the nation. The public deserve straight answers and immediate action, not waffle and unfulfilled promises. That was the backdrop to this week’s Commons showdown, the focus of which was defence spending — or the lack of it. More specifically, the government’s failure to publish its 10-year Defence Investment Plan, DIP for short.
Forget about Andy Burnham — Donald Trump is about to end Keir Starmer’s career. Politics LIVE: Nigel Farage makes major Reform announcement in huge Brexit win. It went a bit like this.
Kemi Badenoch: “Where is your DIP, will we see it this week?”.
Keir Starmer: “Err, we’re planning on spending more on defence than you lot did when you were in government.”
KB: “No, you're spending less. Where is the DIP. Shall we ask Andy Burnham?”
KS: “....14 years…..mess….we’re better….bla bla bla.”
Mrs Badenoch: “You’re too weak to cut welfare, will you put up taxes to pay for defence spending?”
Sir Keir: “La, la, la, la….something billion, dum dee dum…..no lectures…..please don’t ask me tricky questions”.
While this was going on, a proper pair of skull crackers, Al Carns and Calvin Bailey, were lurking behind the Speaker’s chair. The two Labour MPs, both highly-decorated ex-servicemen, looked like they’d had enough and were ready to pounce. Carns, in particular, could take out Starmer with one eyelash.
Lib Dem dipstick Sir Ed Davey then got in on the act, quizzing the Prime Minister about the DIP. Starmer was in full on dodge mode by this stage, warbling on about austerity and wishing it would all end. Bailey, meanwhile, had seen enough and stealthily left the Chamber, leaving Carns on lone sentry duty. By the time Reform UK’s deputy leader Richard Tice launched a tirade at the PM over pretty much everything, the former special forces man had disappeared too.
If I were Starmer I’d be very worried about bumping into those two in the dark recesses of the Houses of Parliament. He might want to publish his defence plans soon.
