Sales of self-help books in the UK have grown every year from 2015 to 2023, according to Nielsen. A new wave of titles focuses on a distinctly selfish philosophy: prioritising your own needs above others. Bestsellers like 'The Let Them Theory' and 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' encourage readers to stop people-pleasing and focus on themselves.
Dr Ingrid Clayton's 'Fawning' explores the trauma response of fawning, distinct from people-pleasing, where individuals stifle their own thoughts to appease others. Clayton argues this behaviour is reinforced by societal structures like patriarchy, but ultimately it is the individual's problem to solve. The book asks: 'What would you do if you were putting yourself first in your own life?'
Mel Robbins' 'The Let Them Theory', with 6 million copies sold, advocates a 'let them, let me' approach: allow others to act as they will, while you focus on your own path. Robbins warns that worrying about others' opinions consumes time and energy, leaving you not in charge of your own trajectory. She tours globally, including stops in London and the US.
Male authors offer similar but cruder takes. Mark Manson's 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' frames approval-seeking as one of several fallacies hindering a good life. Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga's 'The Courage to Be Disliked', with 10 million copies sold, presents a dialogue arguing for radical self-acceptance and indifference to others' judgments.
