It's a modern habit many of us share: reaching for the phone last thing at night, checking notifications before a morning greeting, or replying to a message during a conversation. For 22-year-old yoga teacher Carma Hylton, this behaviour has turned her smartphone into an unwelcome 'third wheel' in her three-and-a-half-year relationship.
The 'Phonedemic' Crippling Couple Intimacy
New research from the intimacy brand Lovehoney lays bare the scale of the issue, dubbing it a 'phonedemic'. Their data reveals a startling 68% of people admit to checking their phones in bed before sleeping. Furthermore, 67% reach for their device before uttering a single word to anyone in the morning.
For Carma and her partner, phones are a constant presence, even in the bedroom. "One of us might reach for our phone before or after [sex], like checking a message or scrolling without thinking," Carma explained. "It’s not intentional, just a habit that creeps in."
From Connection to Co-Existing in Silence
This automatic scrolling has fundamentally altered their communication. Carma described a moment of clarity: "It just dawned on me one night - we were lying there, both on our phones, not really saying anything." The realisation of how much time was dedicated to screens, rather than to each other, was a wake-up call.
"I caught myself doom-scrolling the other night and realised I hadn’t even spoken properly with my partner all week," she said. "It’s never just us having a conversation; it’s always us and the phones acting as a third wheel."
Texting From Separate Rooms
The problem extends beyond shared spaces. Carma labels her partner an 'iPad kid', noting his compulsion to watch videos even at the dinner table. At bedtime, their talks often devolve into showing each other clips on their devices.
Most tellingly, conflicting schedules and digital habits mean they sometimes communicate via text from different rooms in the same home. "Instead of talking, we were just texting from different rooms," Carma admitted. "I can’t even remember the last time we had a proper face-to-face conversation or a dinner without our heads in our phones."
The cumulative effect is a profound sense of isolation. "It feels like we’re living isolated lives, both in our own worlds," Carma concluded, highlighting the serious ramifications for their connection.
The Campaign to 'Turn Off to Turn On'
In response to these widespread issues, Lovehoney has launched its 'Turn Off to Turn On' campaign. It highlights how constant phone use is eroding romantic connections. Partnering with off-grid cabin company Shacks, the initiative encourages couples to ditch their devices, unplug from digital chaos, and rediscover what it means to truly connect without a screen in sight.
