Parents have shared their experiences of raising adult children who are not in employment, education, or training (NEET) in response to a recent letter published in the Guardian. The original letter, dated 3 July, detailed the struggles of a parent whose child was unable to lead an independent life, sparking a wave of empathy and shared stories from readers facing similar challenges.
Comparisons and Development
One parent of a neurodivergent late-teenager noted the ease of comparing their child to peers who have found jobs or romantic relationships. They reflected on their own teenage years, marked by experimentation and independence, but stressed that children facing obstacles undergo a unique development. 'My son has to deal with a world that must feel uncomfortable and hard to understand at times, but he does so with good humour and with consideration and respect for others,' they wrote.
Shared Grief and Isolation
Another parent described the 'grief and shame' of having a son in his early 20s who is NEET. After six years of self-isolation, the son is now engaging with a counsellor, paid for by the family. The parent noted that prior to this, they received no support from school or services, and were fined for non-attendance. 'We have finally accepted that he may never become truly independent,' they said, adding that sharing their story with friends revealed the scale of the problem. 'It doesn't change anything, but it does make us feel slightly less alone.'
A Decade of Withdrawal
A third parent recounted their daughter's withdrawal from mainstream education at age 13, now 11 years ago. Enrolment in an educational charity and a college course led to initial enthusiasm but eventual disengagement. The daughter now spends her days reading, gaming, and isolating herself. 'She sees an occupational therapist once a week who tries to engage her in activities such as baking bread, but her initial enthusiasm always ebbs away. We are at our wits' end,' the parent wrote.
Lack of Support Across the Life Cycle
Shauna M Faith-Crothers, a systemic family therapist from Coleraine, Northern Ireland, highlighted the gap in support when young people transition from child and adolescent mental health services (CAMHS) to adult services. Parents are often left out of communications once their child turns 18, sometimes with tragic consequences. 'Our children are our children until the day we die,' she said. 'It should not be a taboo subject or a matter of shame that we need to invest in supporting families right across the life cycle.'
