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Unpacking the Adult Sleepover Phenomenon
Sleeping over at a friend's house when your own comfortable bed awaits at home might initially seem like an inconvenience. However, as Lydia Spencer-Elliott explores, grown-up slumber parties offer profound benefits that extend far beyond our childhood years. This practice, once considered the domain of teenagers, is experiencing a remarkable resurgence among adults seeking deeper connections in an increasingly fragmented social landscape.
The Nostalgic Pull of Shared Nights
"When I was twelve, I accidentally struck my best friend Melissa in the face with a Wii remote during an especially intense virtual tennis match," recalls Spencer-Elliott. "Despite the momentary pain, we collapsed into tears of laughter—a perfect example of the haphazard hilarity that characterises sleepover memories."
These spontaneous, joyful moments create what many describe as "core memories" that bond friendships for years. Yet as adulthood arrives with its responsibilities—work pressures, romantic relationships, and financial obligations—the simple pleasure of sleeping at a friend's house often gets forgotten. The practical question arises: "Why would I want to sleep in your bed when I've got my own?"
Beneath this surface practicality, however, lies a genuine yearning for connection. This is evidenced by the 1.3 million videos currently tagged #sleepover on TikTok, featuring adults bundled under blankets, giggling uncontrollably at seemingly nothing. "Suddenly, we're thirteen again, laughing at everything," shares one user, while another admits, "I need a night like this."
From Convenience to Cherished Ritual
For Spencer-Elliott and her friends, the return to sleepovers began practically when Melissa moved further from London. Initially framed as "staying the night" to avoid expensive taxi fares after social events, these overnight visits quickly transformed into a favourite way to socialise. "Shall we have a sleepover soon?" became a regular text exchange, met with enthusiastic agreement.
Admittedly, sleepovers in one's late twenties and thirties differ significantly from teenage versions. Instead of consuming sweets until dawn, friends might debate whether to have another cup of caffeinated tea while chatting on the sofa at midnight. By 2am, they've often ranked their favourite meal deals, cocktails, and cakes—conversations that rarely happen during rushed lunches.
"Honestly, if I didn't have a boyfriend, I think I'd have even more sleepovers," says friend Zennah, whose lounge has hosted numerous mattress-based gatherings. She reflects on the contrast between teenage and adult friendship: "When you're in your teens, you're constantly around your friends. As adults, we don't have that... When you do something in a home setting, it's more personal; it feels like a relationship you'd have in your teens rather than just a superficial catch-up."
Combating Modern Social Fragmentation
This intimate approach to friendship feels particularly novel in a social landscape increasingly dominated by scheduled "catch-ups" rather than spontaneous "hanging out." While school and college years offered endless hours on playgrounds and in common rooms, adulthood often reduces socialising to a task to be completed—a series of questions about work, family, and life updates.
As Sheila Liming, a writing professor at Champlain College in Vermont, observes in her book Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time, friendship has become something to be "taken care of" rather than experienced. Replying to WhatsApp messages, organising brunches, and scheduling coffee dates have transformed into chores.
Sleepovers defy this transactional approach. Time becomes expansive rather than limited, and financial considerations fade into the background. The house and friendship become the central focus, requiring little else. "If you can't afford to go out all the time, it's a nice option," notes Zennah. "If you don't drink, or want to focus on your health, you can still spend time together without that pressure."
Psychological Benefits and Mental Wellbeing
The psychological advantages of adult sleepovers are significant. "Sleepovers with our friends provide us with an opportunity to connect and a sense of belonging which can be often difficult to find in today's disconnected, isolated society," explains psychologist Dr Emily Crosby. She emphasises that the ritual creates familiarity, evoking feelings of emotional safety that reduce anxiety.
According to Dr Crosby, returning to sleepovers in adulthood offers freedom from cumbersome responsibilities, allowing adults to embrace happiness and playfulness while reconnecting with their inner child. "This is key in supporting mental health wellbeing because it helps you feel free and open again in an often restricted adult world," she states.
These benefits help explain why the practice is booming. For Spencer-Elliott, Melissa, and their housemate Clare, a recent sleepover involved watching Traitors and chatting—costing nothing, involving zero alcohol, and creating zero pressure. "I wake up happy, feeling closer to them than I have in weeks," Spencer-Elliott reports.
Rediscovering Silliness and Intimacy
The most cherished moments often occur after lights-out, when conversation reaches what Spencer-Elliott describes as "near-lunacy." Everything becomes hilarious, and talking seems impossible to stop. "We're cackling like Disney witches in the pitch black, unbothered by whether we get our usual eight hours," she writes.
This level of comfortable silliness and intimacy typically gets reserved for romantic partners in adulthood. Spencer-Elliott notes she regularly asks her boyfriend absurd questions as he tries to sleep: "Which do you think was named first, the game of cricket or the animals? If I went missing, where would you look for me? Would you still love me if I was a worm?"
"I'd forgotten, until Melissa started sleeping over again, that this was how we used to be, too," she realises. "It seems sad that we should suddenly lose the silliness and intimacy that comes from early-hours conversation just because it's only afforded to adults when we're on some kind of substance. If I have this ridiculousness with my boyfriend, I want it with my best friends, too."
Future Challenges and Commercialisation
Currently, Spencer-Elliott's friend group hasn't faced the logistical challenges that partners, marriages, children, or home ownership might present. "Hopefully, the men involved in our future can make themselves scarce for an evening if and when the time comes," she muses.
The trend's popularity has attracted commercial interest. London's five-star Royal Lancaster Hotel now offers a £489 sleepover package complete with cocktails, sweets, spa kits, and luxury pyjama sets. Similarly, Horwood House in Buckinghamshire provides similar offerings. On TikTok, users attempt to recreate these high-end experiences at home with Instagram-worthy snack plates and themed sleepwear.
Ultimately, however, the essential ingredients remain simple. As Melissa and Spencer-Elliott finally climb into bed without matching nightwear, Melissa turns and asks: "Next time, we should play Wii Tennis—do you think you've still got it?" The question captures the enduring appeal of adult sleepovers: they're not about luxury packages or perfect aesthetics, but about reconnecting with friends and rediscovering the joyful spontaneity of youth.
Friendship, as Spencer-Elliott concludes, shouldn't come with an expiration date. The hope is that even as lives become more complicated with age, adults will continue finding dates every few months "to laugh like we're eleven over something silly at three in the morning, rather than booking a £60 lunch to ask surface-level questions before rushing off to one of life's allegedly more important commitments."
