Many people in the UK are now opting for minimal contact with their parents and other relatives, a trend known as 'low contact' (LC). Unlike 'no contact' (NC), which severs all ties, low contact allows for some interaction while setting boundaries to protect mental health. However, this approach is fraught with emotional complexities and requires careful navigation.
Marie, a woman in her 40s, decided to go low contact with her mother after a lifetime of feeling rejected and shamed. She stopped answering phone calls and visits, only contacting her mother when necessary. 'I call when I need to,' she says, adding that she deflects complaints by saying she has been busy. Her therapist advised her to control what she allows in, rather than trying to change her mother's behaviour.
Georgina, in her 30s, also chose very low contact with her parents and siblings after a family fallout. She maintains contact mainly for her children, allowing her mother to look after them once a week but keeping conversations brief. 'It is very child-focused,' she explains. Neither Marie nor Georgina explicitly told their mothers about reducing contact, leading to difficult confrontations.
Family and couples psychotherapist Katherine Cavallo notes that low or no contact has become more prevalent in recent years, citing a YouGov poll showing 38% of American adults are estranged from a family member. She attributes this to increased awareness of unhealthy relationships and the impact of childhood experiences on mental health, though she warns against over-pathologising family members.
For many, low contact offers a middle ground that avoids the guilt of complete estrangement while providing necessary space. Marie says the love for her mother remains, and the door is slightly open for future conversation. Georgina hopes her children can maintain relationships with their grandparents and cousins, even as she limits her own interactions.
