Amanda Barnes, a 49-year-old mother of two diagnosed with terminal breast cancer, has married herself in a celebration of life that has been watched by millions online. The ceremony, held in August, came after a devastating treatment setback and has since propelled her to raise money for potentially life-extending treatment.
Barnes was diagnosed with cancer in 2022 and has spent the last four years navigating the progression of her illness, including numerous treatments and coming to terms with its incurable nature. She started chemotherapy in March after learning the cancer had spread, still not knowing how long she could have left.
A Viral Self-Wedding
In a bid to find joy in the darkness, Barnes came up with the idea of throwing herself the dream wedding she'd never had. She tied the knot with herself, recording the celebration and posting the video on TikTok. More than 12 million people watched the footage, propelling the mum to fame, which she used to start raising money.
She put together funds for a trip to Mexico, where she planned to seek potentially life-extending treatment, but has in recent weeks taken a turn for the worse. The mum has suffered blood clots, fluid around her lungs, severe pain and breathing difficulties, and has recently received the news that she has a brain tumour. Now, she is staying at St Luke's Hospice for respite and help managing her symptoms.
Prioritising Quality of Life
Her last chemotherapy treatment was on September 10, but she has since decided to cease the invasive treatment, prioritising her quality of life while continuing to explore other options. She said: "I want to live, but I also want to be able to enjoy living."
Barnes is under no illusion about the seriousness of her condition, but she does not believe an incurable diagnosis should mean abandoning the things that make life worth living. She added: "I don't want my entire identity to become my diagnosis. Yes, I have stage four cancer, and yes, my circumstances are incredibly serious. But I'm also a mother, a businesswoman, a friend and someone who loves travelling, laughing and experiencing life."
Barnes sadly wasn't well enough to travel in October as she had planned, and has been forced to postpone her plans for November - should she be medically fit. Before her health deteriorated, she travelled independently, built businesses and took pride in looking after the people around her.
Business and Family
She is a director of Devon Cleaning South Hams Ltd, trading as PlymClean, which provides domestic and commercial cleaning services across South Devon. She has also been involved in property development, investment and holiday accommodation. Although her illness limits what she can physically do, she remains involved in her businesses and works when she feels able.
She said: "Running businesses has been such a huge part of my life that staying involved gives me a sense of normality and purpose. Sometimes dealing with a business matter, making a decision or simply knowing what's going on helps me feel like myself again."
She has especially struggled with the loss of independence and the prospect of leaving her two children, Connor, 20, and Ruby, 17, who mean everything to her, behind. She continued: "The hardest part of my illness is knowing there are milestones in their lives that I desperately want to be here to witness."
She has tried to be open with them about her diagnosis while protecting them from the full weight of its uncertainty. Barnes admits there are moments when the prospect of leaving them behind becomes overwhelming, but she refuses to let fear consume the time they have together. She continued: "I want my children to remember us laughing, travelling, enjoying experiences and making memories together. I want them to remember me living, not simply being ill."
Fundraising for Treatment
Friend and makeup artist Lucija Kavcic, known as Lucy, shared video footage of the celebration on TikTok, simply to preserve the memories. However, the video went viral. The response brought messages of support from strangers, with some offering cards and gifts, from all over the world. The attention also helped prompt a fundraising appeal.
A GoFundMe campaign, titled 'Amanda's story, not just about stage 4 cancer, living too', aims to raise £100,000. The money will go towards exploring specialist medical consultations and possible further treatment in Mexico. And it would help cover medical costs, travel, accommodation and associated expenses.
Barnes understands there are no guarantees, but wants the opportunity to investigate whether suitable options could improve her quality of life or potentially give her more time. Her immediate priority is managing her pain and breathing difficulties and becoming well enough to travel safely. A provisional travel date has been set for November 22, but this depends entirely on her health.
She said: "Of course, I hope that something may help me gain more time. But quality of life matters enormously too. If I could regain some strength, become more comfortable and have opportunities to make further memories with my children, that would mean everything."
Lucy knows she cannot change Barnes's diagnosis, but she can help tell her story and encourage others to get involved through a dedicated TikTok page. She said: "I can't physically help her with her health, but at least I can do my part with this kind of stuff and hopefully repay her a little bit of my gratitude. She deserves it, she's genuinely such a good person, with a big heart, and she's got an army behind her."
Barnes said: "I hope my story encourages people to make memories, take opportunities, be kind to one another and stop waiting for the perfect moment. Because none of us knows how much time we have."
